new but old

Forgotten but not Gone

2007-12-04T12:24:00.000-08:00

well.
It's been a long long time since i've even been to my own blog site.
i accidentally typed in my old blog that the internet had eaten a long time ago - the strange thing was that it was there.
so if you ever have the notion to waste time reading old blog entries
thepadlock.blogspot.com
has some.
hah.
i wonder where it went on it's vacation from public access...
maybe it went to the alps for a sebaticle.

speaking of going.
i have submitted the first of many parts of my application to the International Mission Board.
I am feeling a call to go.
not yet sure where. but the fire is being kindled.

Since we have talked last I have quit my job at P-Mobile (name changed) and am now substitute teaching in Austin Independent School District.

I am moving to a house from my apartment of nearly two years. and with a roommate after living solo for about three years (not consecutive)

I have had a major shift in some relationships - not all of which have been pleasant.

a lot of things contributing to what felt like the bottom falling out of my life all at once.
but in and through it all My God has yet again shown Himself as gracious, kind, in control, faithful, loving and so so so much more.

i'm not sure what the next steps are and go through little glimpses of unbelief and mistrust - but am quickly righted by the Lord of my life.

it's been rocky and rough, but still so sweet.

Only by God is that even possible.

anyways.

go to the other blog
pray for me
let me know how you are
take a walk
do something kind for someone

trickle on

2007-08-20T09:37:00.001-07:00

The pool was sparkling fresh. The pool’s water was crystal all the way to the bottom. The banks hugged it like a dear child, and the rocks and water played with one another rolling and tumbling and laughing together.
A family of deer would come along and sip politely from the refreshing source and gratefully go on there way. The birds would sit in the trees and gaze at the shimmering liquid and soak in all of it’s beauty.
But then one day, a hippo found the pool. he charged in to selfishly take in the water and cover himself in it. But not for a mere bath before he moved on, to soak and sit. He stirred up the mud that was resting peacefully on the bottom and climbing in and out, he trample the banks and the grass that grew there.
He called to his friends to come join him. All the hippos sat together in the water. Yelling over the fading sound of the laughing water. They would leave things that didn’t belong in the water floating there or sunken to the bottom. They would climb the trees and frighten the birds and break the branches. Then they would egg each other on to jump into the water from the heights. When they’d come down, they’d splash and scream and sheer. They sloshed a lot of the water over the sides and muddied the banks even more.
They brought with them stench and vile behavior.
The water is now dank and murky. You might see the bottom, but it is not something you really want to see. The banks no longer embrace the waters, but seem to be running from them. The birds don’t like to look at the poor state of the once glittering pool. the deer can’t stand the taste of the filth in the water.
It’s no longer lovely.
It’s been destroyed and taken advantage of.
It no longer harbors sweet thoughts and beauty to behold.

But the hopeful part is that the water is flowing. That it has come from a better place. a place that is still pure and is going on to an untainted place that will not be made impure.
The time it spend here in the ruined war zone of filth and muck only serves to strengthen its hope and determination to get to the next part. And it serves to make the water so grateful for the time it had before.

icon of self control

2007-08-16T12:24:00.000-07:00

well, it's been sitting on my desk for two days.
this bowl full of chocolate morsels.
the old me would have devoured it in a moments time. but the new me has decided to practice a little discipline.
i'm not going to say it's easy. it's not.
usually i will rack up a whole trashcan full of empty wrappers before i even know what's come over me.
that sweet sweet satisfaction of seeing it. mouth watering for it. and taking it.

how human. how value-less. how silly to imagine fullfillment in something and then pretend like it's fullfilling once you have it. even though you know it's not. even though you know you'll just want more when this piece is gone.

and it's not like i'm taking it to satisfy any hunger or energy requirement. it's just for the enjoyment and taste of it in my mouth.

ugh.

so anyways, that bowl will hopefully not be depleated by any of my doing. only the passers by who are lured by her calling.

ode to you, dear chocolate. ode to you.

yuck

2007-08-07T09:04:00.001-07:00

more than you care to know

2007-07-27T09:05:00.000-07:00

so i was in the bathroom the other day.
this is the bathroom at work. usually pristine. absolutely pristine.

i had just closed the door on the stall when a roach of enormous proportions came scattering through.

i couldn't believe what i did. i was standing on the toilet screaming when i realized, wait... you are on a toilet screaming.

to defend myself let me elaborate on the exact size of this wretched creature.

find something that is approximately three inches long. imagine this something with antennas and legs. now picture it coming at your feet with fiercety in his eyes. not fear.
and plus wearing open toed shoes escalated the panic factor by about a million points.

so anyways. i talked myself in to climbing down and conducting business as usual.
then came another. a little smaller but with a limp that said, "i've fought and won, you should see the other guy. the other guy who happens to be a grizzly bear."

i just moved my open toes shoes out of his path and let him pass on through. by this time the other stalls were occupied. there was a wave effect of "oh no"s "o dear god"s and "ack! ew! gross!" as he made his way down the row.

anyways,
i made it out alive, and the toilet climbing on slightly bruised my dignity.

there you have it.

now you know.

it's infestation.

lost little boat

2007-07-25T13:20:00.000-07:00

folded from paper and creased to perfection

You are set free

You head down gutters and little creeks

With purpose, plans and peace

your course molded by debris

guided by gravity

drawn by design’s intent.

But once you reach those open waters

and guidance seems to fade

You’re broken, soaked and weak.

With no oarsmen or current

Your future is bleak.

The wind a deterrent.

It pushes you there and to hither

Your spirit is dim

and your vision has withered

Your life now lacks drive

for pursuit and passion

Lost at sea with no land in sight

Your hope is at dusk

Soon to be night.

awake.

your lifeless body on the soft sandy shore.

the silence deafens

and the darkness fights

look up to the heavens

grasp the light.

Lunch with Mr.Twitters

2007-07-05T11:03:00.000-07:00

it wasn't quite raining, and it couldn't be considered mist, but as Claudette sat outside to enjoy her meal, little drops of water were appearing on her skin. No, it wasn't sweat either. It was just the overall moisture in the air clinging to her and taking up residence in droplette form.
Claudette didn't mind. She was conten to soak it in and enjoy the sun that had been so long abscent in the weeks before.
You see it had been raining for about a month. The rivers had risen and the flood gates were opened and the greens and colors of the landscape been thoroughly saturated.
So there she sat, in a delightful rocking chair on the patio of a delightful little deli. It wasn't far from her office, but far enough to be an escape from the drudge of it. The sun was warming her skin and the sounds of birds were tickling her ears.
Then he came. Unoticed at first. She doesn't know how long he was on her shoulder, but when she did notice - he took flight. He then skipped from her shoulder to her hair, from there to her hand and her leg and her plate and the edge of her glass and her finger tips and her face. playfully hopping from place to place with all the life and flightyness one would expect from a little butterfly.
His wings were beautiful. perfectly shaped without a blemish. His size was perfect. not too small, not too large. When he landed on her finger it felt like he was grabbing on and hugging her. Then he would depart from it.
She giggled and flirted as Mr.Twitters danced around her.

Soon, though, some others came into the game. but these were not playfull creatures at all. they were on the hunt. they wanted to taint Claudette's food and buzz loudly near her face. Claudette did not like these flies. They were dirty and invasive. They didn't want to invite her into a relationship with flirting and laughing. they sought to meet their own needs. soon Claudette was so overwhelmed by the flurry of bugs, both good and bad, she got flustered and began swatting at them.
'go away' she cried, 'let me be!'

Soon the had left. all of them. Including Mr.Twitters.
Oh no, she thought, what have i done? i got so carried away with preserving my food that I must have scared him away. Oh, Mr.Twitters, I am so terribly sorry.

Claudette felt sad and guilty for having been so easily distracted and upset by those dumb ol' flies. she wishes that she would have just continued in her delighting with Mr.Twitters.

After a few minutes of lamenting, Claudette felt the lightest touch on her shoulder. and it may have been the trees rustling in the light breeze, but she could swear she heard a whisper.
'i'm still here. i love you'
and when she turned he was gone.

But Claudette was no longer sad. she was elated. she knew that Mr.Twitters had invited her into something real and lasting. and even though he had to go for now, he wasn't gone. He may come back one day. She may meet him again in the sound of ocean waves or in snow flakes falling and whirling in the wind.

survival

2007-07-02T08:03:00.000-07:00

well we made it through.
i might vent for a moment,
if i may.

first of all let me say in all honestly i am completely grateful for the chance to get away from the office and meet some co workers from across the nation and have an all expense paid trip to a place like Denver.

However. i can't help but be irritaed at the vast amount of cash money wasted on said trip.

basically we all got tegether to review a power point presentation that we have all seen about 6 times in the past two months. but in order to look at and talk about the same old material, it was necessary to rent 80 rooms at a nice downtown hotel for three nights. even though only 70 people could come and about 45-50 left after night two.
then we paid for steak dinners and alcohol the first night.
and then night two was hosted at a fancy family style italian place where platter after platter of food was brought out and then left mostly unfinished. oh, and a free open bar.
then day three had boxed lunches from the corner bakery where there was about 20 or so left over. i kindly suggested to the lady in charge of food that we give the left over food to the people who are working at the rafting place we had not yet left. she just shortly said no and began loading them in the back of her personal vehicle.
then we also paid for town cars to cart us back and forth from the air port, instead of hotel shuttle vans.

it just felt like thing after thing was another careless toss of bills.

it just disturbs me for some reason to see so much money being thrown around and all these people thinking they are so much more important then they actually are because some company is paying them too much to do a job that doesn't really impact or benefit anyone.

i mean. why can't there be some aggressive budget cut and the money saved go into college funds or charities or cancer research or any number of venues that make efforts to do something for the good of those that need it.

it's insane that the world works this way.
the more money the more you deserve? what?

anyways.
venting and things aside -
the highlight of the trip was definitely the white water rafting. that is something i could easily become addicted to.
how beautiful to be carried by the natural rushing water through the valleys of these massive foot hills and mountains. it's so belittling - in a good way.
the fresh air and the cold splashes.
oh man.
thank you God for that sweet relief from the emptiness of work.
we had 9 raft loads for our group. our raft's particular guide was ordained by God no doubt.
he was my age, which is approximately half that of all my coworkers.
so i sat in the back of the raft near him and we talked and joked the whole trip. it was nice to have an ally. someone who was speaking my language. a language that has nothing to do with spreadsheets or corperate heirarchy.

he really did make me consider more the bebefits of dropping everything in pursuit of what your heart is called to.
for him it was the outdoors and firefighting. so he quit school and got trained and certified in EMS and firefighting. as he waits for all his applications to firehouses to go through he raft guides in the summer and is on ski patrol in the winter.
he said with a big smile on his face, i finally knew what i wanted to do and went for it and haven't had a bad day since.

not that avoiding bad days is my ultimate goal. but it was very inspriring to see his senserity and passion revealed.

encounters like that nearly bring me to tears. i can feel my heart's strings being tugged.

i know that deeply it is really that my heart is inset with eternity (ecclesiastes 3:11-14 says so) and that heaven is what it is hungry for. and really pretty much anything here will not be fullfilling. but i don't really want to live as a pesimist. i want to be able to passionately pursue and know the things of beauty that God has made available for here and for now.

oy.
sorry bout the ramblings.
but now you know.

signing off.

2007-06-26T12:49:00.000-07:00

2007-06-26T12:47:00.000-07:00

rocky mountain high

2007-06-26T07:33:00.000-07:00

well for one full week, practically, i am hitting the open road and flying the friendly skies....
it started last friday with a road warriors reunion tour to Lubbock, the greatest place on earth.
My dear friend Courtney and and i felt the wind in out hair and the blacktop under our tires once again after all too long of a hiatus. I mean there was that one trip to Dallas a few weeks back, but it wasn't in total true road warrior fashion.
Lubbock was fun. we met our cousins and their friend there. they were taking a little road trip of their own from LA,CA to Texas.
smart boys.

we swam and frequented the sonic and went to a drive in movie. also we did a photo shoot at an incredible abandoned building.

i spent yesterday catching up on work for this week because i leave today for Denver.
my job is pretty plush. i get to go on a three day, two night trip to Denver, CO for a meeting. and to cinch the deal, they threw in a river rafting trip as a 'team bonding' experience. i am so pumped.
let me tell you why.
the fellow support staff members aren't exactly who you see shopping at REI, if you catch my drift. They aren't the type you'd see in the outdoors... there's some exceptions. but the group as a whole is exactly who you'd think would be behind a computer all day and getting excited over new formulas to streamline their spreadsheet reporting process...
don't get me wrong, i mean i love a good formula. but these people really get after the corperate reporting.
and they do this at the expense of experiencing things like nature, or fresh air, or excercise.
so when it ws announced on a call that we'd be rafting together - you can imagine the confusion to follow. they were all asking about the boat tipping over and the water getting on them and so on. then someone sent out a web site that had recommended packing lists for rafting trips.
bear in mind, we will be taking a three hour (tops) raft ride down the river. the packing lists that were sent out were more for like multiple days worth and in the winter time.
so then the issue with wool socks came about.
every single conference call for the past several weeks has had some mention of wool socks. and where will the florida team ever find wool socks? and what about nylon water repellent pants that zip off to be shorts that you can turn the excess material into a cantine if needed? where will we find those?
anyhoo, what i'm saying is they are all panicing about wool socks and getting themselves so psyched out about this that it will be miserable for them. poor souls. meanwhile, though, it will be hilarious for me and the few others to watch them cinch up their life jackets to the tightest degree and look wild eyed at the gently flowing water as if it had threatened their life with words.

i'm going to try and take pictures, but i make no garuntees.

then the day after i get back from there i will be takign another weekend trip to dallas. hopefully i will get to shoot a wedding with some friends and gain some valuable knowlege and practice before i shoot a few on my own this summer.

so that's the happenings round here so far.
my family is awesome.
my job is the same.
my life is good.

3 things you must check out before you move on...

2007-06-21T10:02:00.000-07:00

this:
http://www.emilykharrison.com

is my web site re-done. it's still in progress but it's getting there. mad props to mark reese for building it.

this:
http://www.edithpiafmovie.com/

is a movie i don't think is opening everywhere, but it is in Austin as of this Friday and it looks great. i will be going to it. yes. yes i will.

this:
http://www.myspace.com/katedmonson

is a local austin artist whom i must go see, and soon. she is playing in the elephant room which is a really cool cozy little jazz place here, on the 29th. but i won't be in town. hopefully her gigs don't end there.

so that is all for now.

greeeeaaaaat. mmm k?

2007-06-20T12:42:00.000-07:00

you know how when you get an 8-5 type of job it is only natural that you will watch office space.
i mean, you have to. if you are going to find any comedy in the life style to follow.

but the parallels are uncanny...

i noticed a while back that 'the bull' has a red stapler. no big deal. plenty of people have them. they're very common.

we constantly have trouble with our fax machine.

i honestly have watched pedestrians pass me on my commute.

i have multiple bosses and haven't met all of them.

here's where it closes in...

it was filmed in my city

the office building that they film for the outside of their office is actually the office building of the company i work for.

about three stop lights down the street from my office is the alligator grill in which the interior shots of chotchskies was filmed. that's the retaurant they always go to.

one of the character's addresses on his personal file is on the street that i my office is on.

the list cntinues.

what i am saying is my life is like a movie. a lot of times it's that movie in particular.

have a good day.

old things new

2007-06-12T06:54:00.000-07:00

So these chairs will soon be completely redone. they were rescued from the side of I 35. rain soaked and shivvering. we removed their rotted vinyl cushions to reveal the vast amount of potential their frames possess. at the moment the search is on for the perfect upholstery. my infinitely creative mother suggested going to thrift stores to seek out old drapes or bedspreads or fabrics that are as dated as the peices which they will adorn. fantastic idea.
what else would you consider re-upholstering with?

I think everyone finds some satisfaction in restoring old things. my mom is especially great at it. she has been blessed with a visionary mindset that can see the potential in even the roughest of outlines. doesn't it just make your heart happy to see something brought back to life and its value not lost. i think we identify with it more than we do something that is shiny and new. because we are in need of restoration. because we know - whether or not it has been put into words for us - that there is something lacking in this world and that everything under this sun is a chasing after the wind. but when we are rescued and restored to our original intent. the original intent being that we were intended to be one in fellowship with our Creator. once we are brought back to that point - we suddenly have value and are able to see the value in this life. knowing that it is not for this earth that we toil and it will not end here with this dust. but instead we have an eternal mindset.
Restoration is a beautiful thing.
i like that God is constantly giving us little illustrations of the bigger picture, you just have to look for it. so now every time i see a re-upholstered chair, or a wood floor being repaired and refinished, or a vintage table cloth made into a skirt, or the dust wiped from an old set of dishes... i will be able to take a moment to thank God that I have been restored. and by doing this. by recognizing every instance as a smaller version of what He is doing on an eternal scale, and giving thanks in that moment, i will be able to live my life in gratitude. and living a life in gratitude leaves little room for me to think about myself and my own problems...

Ecclesiastes 5:18-20

Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to drink, and eat and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of live God has given him - for this is his lot. Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and to be happy in his work - this is a gift of God. He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.

wasteroo vs coffee monitor

2007-06-05T13:01:00.000-07:00

look, i'm no environmentalist or anything. but wasteful is wasteful no matter who you are or what you stand for.

so there's a character in my office. we'll call him rex. don't let the awesome pseudonym fool you. he's not tough and rugged by any stretch of the imagination. he's actually dull and whines a lot.

but at any rate....

rex comes in roughly 30 minutes after i do each day. i used to make coffee every morning, but have not really done that for about 5 or so months. i think it took him a few days to realize i wasn't making his coffee anymore and he was, in fact, drinking the coffee from yesterday... but once he did he conceeded to make his own.

this is where the wasting starts.

there was one time he popped his head in my cube and asked that i order more coffee. 'more?' i thought. 'i just ordered some...'

one time i really needed a pick up and since i hadn't gotten over my mental block of drinking dr. pepper before 8 am yet, i drank some of his coffee. it was sludge. thick motor oil. gag.

this is made by the man who i have watched put up to five little tubs of creamer in one cup and a full pack of sweet n low.

so, for one, he is wasting an extra pack of coffee a day. he uses two packs when they are precicely measured so that you can get a good pot out of one. so we're running out of coffee exactly twice as fast as we should.

secondly, he is wasting creamers. i strongly feel that if you didn't make the coffee so dark, you wouldn't have to compensate with excessive cream.

third of all, he uses a new coffee cup every time he gets a new cup of joe. and they aren't the cheap paper-type either. these are the premium grade velvet touch heavy stock cups.

so inevidably we ran out of those AGAIN. for there only being five people in this office we can tear through some sleeves of disposable coffee cups.

so i decided i wasn't going to buy any more for a while. not that i am individually funding the break room, but i thought, maybe we can use these mugs that are just stacked on the counter. we have dish soap and sponges and a sink right here. it wouldn't be impossible to reuse them. also it may save a dime or two. so i wash up all the mugs by the sink so they are sparkling and ready to go for this morning. when i walk in today, rex says,'did you do dishes?'

'yeah, we're out of the paper coffee cups for a while'

'oh you just have to double up on these,' he says as he pulls a new sleeve of plastic cups from the cabinet.

what? my efforts to inspire him to limit his wastefulness has only spurred him on to new heights of waste.

'my, that's very conservative of you,' i mutter as i get a soda (i have no qualms with the a.m. soda anymore. especially if it's the alternative to his goopy black coffee)

'yeah i guess i could start bringing a mug from home;' he says. and i think, 'what the heck do you think i stood here and washed ALL of these mugs for?'

i can think of another thing he wastes, while we're at it. aftershave. he uses plenty of that. i think it might be a conscious effort to cover up his smoker's coffee breath, but it ain't workin. i can smell both in full force on top of his kickin' cologne. i can always tell if he was the last person that was in the elevator that i get on.

whew

gag

cough

pow pow

swift punches to my nostrils

uh hem.

anyways.

rex,

quit being so over the top on everything but personality.

thanks.

intrigue

2007-06-01T06:50:00.000-07:00

it's not that i eavesdrop. i think we covered this in the days of bob. it's just that we're in cube-spces and sound is not majically contained within the top-less boundries.
but anyways.
the bull was in the office. yet again.
it's completely beside the point, but i guess he didn't get the memo after memo that he and his team mates are only supposed to spend three hours a week here.
but i digress

so he's back in the office and bouncing the floor-shaking leg like there'sno tomorrow. even as i write this now, my monitor is bobbing up and down like a dashboard toy.
he's sweet talking his boss on the phone and justifying why he's coming into the office (in reality it's to use the internet, but i'm not one to tattle - and yes i realize the hypocracy in that i am using the internet here too... but the difference lies in that i am supposed to be here all day every day, and truthfully i have finished my work for the time being - i'm not getting defensive, i'm just saying).
and then he manages to throw in a few more self promotions that are unrelated.

'oh... well that's about the time i was finishing my homework. and you don't even want to know how early i got here...'(it was about 15 minutes ago)' yeah i was writing a 600 word paper over a character from the renaissance... we're actually all calvinists without even knowing it... i've read a few things....' oh yeah? you learned enough to stretch it in to 600 whole words? you must be exhausted - not to mention an expert now.

all of these snip-its have left me a little curious. i would not really ever voluntarily enter a conversation about religion or calvanism witht this person. mostly because i know he's full of it and it would be him parroting back whatever cliff notes he found online (at the office) and me getting frustrated by the brick wall we are hitting and no one really benefitting from the expense of words and breath.

but anyways. it did serve to add a slight layer of depth to this massive bulk of a man. SLIGHT layer.

anyways. i don't know why you had to read that. mostly because i am really dry on writing material and i figured it would be dead and gone forever if i didn't write something so there you have it.

nonsense babblings for the sake of not killing my desire to write at all.

adventure us

2007-05-30T07:08:00.000-07:00

when i look at my life - it seems pretty straight forward and mundane. nothing exciting or flashy. nothing out of the ordinary. it's pretty normal.

Especially in comparison to my sister's life. she trapeses across the globe living in thrilling locations. just this week she is moving from DC to Hawaii. her life seems like one romantic whim that is long lasting and enviable in every way. she is beautiful and stunning and drinks in the life all around her.

Or take my other sister. she has an incredible husband who fights crime. two angelic children who bless every life they touch. and lives in a town where she is surrounded by loving family and simple delightful pleasures. her beauty is stunning, and flawless, even without make up or combed hair.

But when other people look at my life they say things i can't bring myself to agree with. 'oh how glamorous', or 'my my, you always have something going on'...

How do I live my own life and see all the gifts God pours out into it every day? How do I stop compairing it with my sisters'?
How do I do that?
I love life, and i don't, for the most part, feel like i am wasting it away. but i do see that i am looking side to side all to often to truly be able to progress in my own.
that being said, how do i live my life with intent without getting self centered?
maybe if i live for others and for how i can affect them, or show them love - and if i put myself and my desire for a wild adventurous life aside - then i won't even notice whether or not my accomplishments stack up.
that's it.
who the heck cares if i can travel as much or as exoticly as others? who the heck cares if i have pictures from every country on the map? but if my days are spent looking for God and knowing Him more and letting Him use me to enrich others' lives - then that life will be fully lived. and heck, he may want to use me in a way that requires travel and excitement. but if He doesn't, it won't matter. because getting to see His face at all, even in this drudge, is worth so much more than experiencing all the glamour with out Him.

I'm reading Ecclesiastes at the moment. it is so convicting and true and deeply encouraging toward the life that I know I should desire. A life with Him as the point and His Glory here and Heaven there as the goal.

Ecc. 3: 11-14 are my favorite right now.

oh man oh man

2007-05-24T10:44:00.000-07:00

i did it. it's done.
confirmed.

i am going to spain in september.

i can not express my gratitude to my God for providing the money and time off work to go and adventure and see the creation He has lavished upon us.

bath and body asylum

2007-05-18T08:51:00.000-07:00

before my first foot was even over the threshold...
"hiya welcome in today! are you doing alright?!" imagine a thick bobby's world mom's minesota accent...
'just fine' i manage to make my way past her when she turns to another victim
"ope, i didn't snag you in time," she says following me "you've just gotta try this"
i turn around to see if she is talking to me and before i can complete the revolution she has squirted a massive amount of some bubbling foam stuff on my entire forearm.
"it's body mousse!"
'oh my'
"it's like pop rocks for your skin!"
big cheesey grin
"go ahead, rub it in!" giggle like an excited little girl "isn't the best!"

i start to rub on it (hoping to rub it off rather than in) and when i look down i stare aghast at the bulk amount of glitter all over my self. what has she just done to me?
it this a new form of slipping people a sleeping drug so she can drag them back to her lair and give them whatever she has taken that makes her so ... so..... um.... happy?

'neat. thanks'
"oh yeah, i just love it i play in this stuff all day. i end up making my own scents because i can't stop trying everything..."

there's another patron in the store by this time and she is being equally accosted. when i saw a break i made a b-line for the sink and tried to control my facial expressions as i scrubbed of all that freaky-cric de soliel-11 year old birthday party favor-glitter. why?!?!? don't you know people are ontheir lunch break from work and don't want to be leaving a pixie dust trail of sparkle all over their office, computer, water cooler, car, desk chair, door handles, elevators, lobby, phone, key board........
have a heart lady.

anyways. everytime she would come over and force another sample of some product onto me and the other girl in there, the other girl would mutter something under her breath when the lady walked off. one time i caught 'that's actually quite disgusting'

i was cracking up.
this lady was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYyyyyyyyy to happy to be peddling obnoxiously smelling lotions and sprays to unsuspecting customers...
way way over the top.
tone it down a notch sister.

anyways, after about ten minutes of enduring this voice and crazyness the other girl and i were both about ready to get the hell out of there. she beat me to the register. the lady then tried to push more last minute products on to the poor woman.
"do you want the new tote? it just came in!"
'no no thank you. this is all i need.'
"oh i know what you mean, i have more bags than i know what to do with, everytime a new one comes out i have to buy one for me and one for my daughter. you know what else i do? i put my bady spray in the refrigerator so that it's really cold when i want to refresh myself on a hot summer day. do you want a bottle of our new scent?"
she gestures to the outrageously priced over-scented travel size bottles of lotion by the register
'no thank you'
"okay! great! what's your phone number? email address?"
'i'd rather not give you those'
"great have a wonderful day! bubye now!"

by this time i was developing a headache. i don't know if it was from her high pitched vocals or the confusion of odors my nostril were trying to stave off... but all i knew was if i didn't escape soon i mught just die there.

I manage to make a clean break at the pressure spot. no additional purchase no exchange of personal information...
just pay and leave
pay and leave

however, while i was at the register she was trying to do about five other things, like talk on the phone, take messages, blurt out scripted sales attacks...
she was so rude to the girl she was working with.
RUDE
it was weird to see her spilt personalities so prominantly displayed. and sort of sick.

i felt so bad for the girl who was just trying to stock the shelves, do her job and not cause any trouble. this lady was bossing her around and practically shouting about all the new lines of this and that.
to her, scented goop is life. the rest is just details.

i love people who love what they do. but i don't love people who've sold their soul to some product or company at the expense of their sanity and ability to be a real human being.

I have this friend...

2007-05-15T13:00:00.000-07:00

and she was at the pool with a bunch of her other friends. her apartment is not even a block away from the pool. how convenient!!
so anyways. after hours of laying in the sun and splashing in the pool with said friends she decides it's time to head home for a bit before she has to go out for the evening.
"be careful on your long trip home!"
one of the friends shouts after her.
not fifteen seconds later she is carefully making her way over the stepping stones that cross the pool to the exit, and you guessed it.
she was on the last stone and her flip flops and the wet surface did what they always do - cause some serious slippage. however, she caught herself.
'whew that was close,' she thought to herself
then
BAM
no sooner had the htought left her head that her other foot slid off the edge of the last stepping stone.
she dropped her bag and caught herself and pulled off an elaborate spin move as she went down. she ended up sitting down really hard on the edge of the pool and then just giving up and laying down really hard.
aha!
she started to laugh, the irony of her friend's statement hit her immediately. 'be careful on your long trip home'... classic.
but no one laughed with her. no one even flinched. not even the guy sitting a foot away from her.
she looked over at her friends on the other side of the pool. gave a thumbs up and yelled, i think i broke my legs!' haha.
nothing.
they just gawked.
so she got up. praised God that her bag with her cell phone etc had not gone in the pool and hobbled off.
when she finally made it to her building and up three flights of stairs and sat down at home, she realized the pain was legit.
she had a right knee swolen, bruised and gashed. a left knee with a green and red raspberry the size of an egg. and a big toe with a sizeable chunk missing from the top.

oy.

about two hours later one of the uncaring pool-friends called to see if she was okay. then they laughed about it.

we've hit a milestone here

2007-05-11T10:35:00.000-07:00

so i have this sweet dress that i love. and i have acouple of pairs of shoes that sort of go with it. but really - neither is just PERFECT. well, i want to wear that dress tonight but the shoes that go better with it are so tall and precarious. (the evening's event will involve plenty of stairs - this does not match up) the other shoes sort of lessen the dramatic flare of the dress, but their ok. so i spent my lunch break at the mall. i looked and looked in every single shoe vendor there.

people, let me tell you.
if you had asked me six months ago if i thought i would ever be able to go to every shoes store in the mall and walk away empty handed. i would have said you're crazy.

that's right. no new shoes. don't get me wrong. i saw plenty of shoes that i wanted and felt that 'i can't live without you feeling' toward, but none that served the intent of my original persuit. so i managed to reign myself in and practice some SERIOUS self restraint.

but i am still left with the pickle of having no perfect shoes to wear. i'll probably just wear a different dress and let the preferred one wait until it has some sole mates...
get it?
sole... soul... it's a homonym.

so that's it for today.

shoeless joe out.

Willem Dafoe and answered prayers

2007-05-07T05:54:00.000-07:00

Well this past weekend was full.
and it FLEW by. I can't believe it's time to trod through another week.
Let's recap:
FRI - found out my sister got a job in hawaii and will be moving within a couple of weeks.
Cooked dinner for my grandparent who had come to stay the weekend with me. A dear friend came over and the dinner/visit lasted several hours.
SAT - made breakfast for grandparents. Friend came back over.

**on friday night the brief mention of a kitchen suppliy store in a town an hour+ outside of Austin somehow morphed and exploded into the next day's plan. I was really unsure about what the heck was going to happen if the store wasn't as cool as I said it was and we had driven an hour and a half both ways to go walk around in it. **

around 9 am all four of us loaded into my civic and we took to the open road. on the way there I kept praying that God would bless the trip and make it worthwhile and a joy for my grandparents. so we got there and hung around the courtyard near the kitchen supply store and shopped around. then we went to the bluebonnet cafe. God blessed us with the sweetest waitress ever and she handled my grandpa and his ornery self like a pro. she made their day. they loved it so much. Thank you God for arranging that and making the drive and trip so perfect.

then we got back to my apartment. my grandpa slept and my friend and grandma and i sat in my living room and talked for about three hours.
when he woke up we all drove down to the river and took and evening riverboat cruise. it was so fun.

Willem Dafoe sat next to us. you might remember him from Spiderman or finding Nemo or The Aviator or one of the other billions of movies he's been in.
we're pretty much best friends.

anyways then we went to this radical burger joint and ate and then returned home.

SUN - we went to my favorite resaurant for breakfast. THE kerbey lane. then on to church. after church grandma and grandpa were supposed to follow us to lunch and then leave town from there. well we get on mo pac and immediately five or six cars get in between us and them. so brian, who is driving, slows way down to try and make people pass so we can decrese the gap. but no one will pass. i have never seen anything like it. pretty soon we were leading a parade of cars going 50 miles per hour on a highway were the average is 70 mph. and after this goes on we eventually loose visibility of them. so we pull over at the exit we were going to take to see if they were going to catch up. they never came. so we proceeded to drive around for over an hour looking for them.

they don't have a cell phone and have never driven in austin on their own.

we took every possible route they could have taken in between when we lost sight and where we pulled over. nothing. only hopelessness.

so what can you do?

we prayed about it and then went home to make lunch.

after a while my mom called and said they had called and left a message on the answering machine saying that they were on their way home.

good.

well the trip from here to there only takes 5.5 hours. so after about 7 hours and they still weren't home, it was getting a little worrisome.

it turns out they had to stop for some storms to pass.

but they eventually made it home.

whew.

thank you God for answering a weekend full of prayer.

you are so sweet and faithful.

break it down now

2007-05-04T07:37:00.000-07:00

okay. remember how i told you about my apartment managers and the ants and the counter top and there's probably other things i left out before...
well, hold the press, the following is the most recent development on the case.

I go in on Wednesday to pay rent, resign my lease and cordially bring up the couple of unsolved issues with my apartment.
I talked to her about the counter top. she was acting like it was news to her. so i retold her the situation and said a guy had come by two weeks ago to look at it and nothing has happened.

well later that day she called to tell me that the contractor was going into my apartment to look at the bathroom counter and see what color he needs.
wait.
it's my kitchen counter that is buldging out everywhere.
are you sure? he said bathroom.
yes ma'am. i live there. it's the kitchen.

anyways. then she calls back to say that he will be fixing it first thing tomorrow morning. fine.
whatever, so before i leave for work i follow their instructions to clear the affected counter of everything so that he can work on it.

i return home at about 5 pm.

i look down to kick off my shoes where i usually do. there's always a pair of crocs and flip flops by the door. but they were gone.
where are my shoes?
i look. they're in a pile across the room.
also across the room, on my dining table is every single object and applience from my kitchen. what?
the pictures from the wall were piled on my chair in the living room.
how odd.
then it hit me.
the stench of varnish and laquer started to fill my head. it was so very strong. if i had not been distracted by the missing shoes when i firt came in i am sure i would have been knocked plum over.
i went and opened the patio door and turned all the fans on hi to try and move that odor out.
then i go and look at the damage to the kitchen.
first of all my, now bare, feet stick to the carpet on the living room side of the bar. that's not natural.
then as i walk around to the tile the stickiness continues.
all my counter tops.
all.
every single one
is shiney as can be and reeks.
i go to test and see if they're even dry. nope.
still wet.
then i check the area of original concern.
he apparantly just touch up painted the parts where you could see the wood bursting through. it is still swolen and still unsightly, only now it's shiney.

so here it is the next morning. before i left for work the counters were still sticky.
last night when i went to do my laundry i found my espresso machine, toaster and cutting board on my washer.
odd.

so that's all pretty weird.
i felt really peeved when i first arrived home. so i marched down to the little office and sort of acted like a B. i was still friendly and definitely didn't blame anyone or make the girls feel like they were dumb or anythig - but i made it very clear that whatever was done to my apartment was not even close to a solution to the problem i had asked them about. and now my tile and carpet are sticky with varnish, my apartment smells horrible and all my counter tops are useless.
i made sure i wasn't going to be expected to pay for this when i move out.

whenever i had a bit of an attitude - the managers were suddenly helpful and nice and a true pleasure to deal with. i guess that's i am supposed to act to them all the time.

anyways.
i get back to my house and notice that my bedroom door was closed.
and some stuff looked like it was a little altered.

then,
the toilet lid was down. it was not down before i left.
THEN the toilet paper roll was empty. this is a pet peeve and i most certainly did not leave it that way in the morning. and i had swept my bathroom floor a night or two before and there was shoe crud all over.

EWEWWWWWWWWWWWw.
if you are a handy man. and you are coming to someone's home. do your business before you get there or use the public pool bathroom a mere staircase away.

ugh. and that's a courtesy that is aside from not disassembling thier entire kitchen and heaping things in various hiding spots around the house. especially when you're not even planning on fixing the only problem that you were called in for.
and if you are going to thoroughly coat someones kitchen with slow drying strong smelling sticky gross ugly shiney crap, maybe give them a heads up about it or do it earlier in the day...
also - never in my life have i heard of someone painting a coating on the smooth satin finish formica counter tops...
who said that was a good idea?

well anyways. now my kitchen is still torn down and smells weird and i am supposed to cook dinner tonight for my grandparents who will be staying all weekend.

perfect.

there and back

2007-04-30T07:48:00.000-07:00

We did it.
mission accomplished. we hustled through 13.1 miles of downtown Nashville and hills to boot.
Nashville is a great city. I really really like it. if, heaven forbid, i should ever want to move from Austin - it might be there. maybe.
i don't know.
who am i to say? my life is but a vapor.

speaking of which. i turned my air conditioner on when I got home last night to knock some of the dankness from the air.
and that's when i realized that the little fan in my living room and my bedroom's cieling fan were both turned off. i feel as though i distinctly rmember them being on when I left on Friday morning.
I haven't heard of any type of crime outbreak in which the criminals pick locks, sneak in and turn off the fans in your home, and then relock your door on their way out. but I haven't really kept up with the news that well lately.

I wouldn't put it past my new apartment managers though.
they probably found out that i hate coming home to a place where the air is stale and hot. they are so rude.
they act like they've been here forever and i just moved in and don't know how things work. when the case actually is that I've lived here over a year and they came in and changed everything without notifying everybody - and then they act all put out and snobby when you come in with a question about why your name is not in the gate's key pad system anymore and why your own key card doesn't work.

ugh.
listen, kimberly or kristen or krystal - whatever your name is.
I live here. you're the apartment manager. your job is to manage the apartments. one of which is mine. i am paying you lots of money to do the things you day you will do - like have the ants that are marching away with my kitchen and swimming in my contact lense case taken care of.
but they have actually continued to multiply and i think they left an eviction notice for me on my bathroom mirror.
I would at least expect for you to notify them that this is not their apartment until they pay rent. unless you did tell them and you've been collecting double rent for the past month - oooo no you didunt.
all i am saying is - i don't want to live with an entire colony of ants. not in my bathroom. not in my closet and most certainly not in my cake holder where i want to keep my muffins and cupcakes...
and while we're at it - i don't know why my counter that is made of particle board covered in faux granite laminent has swollen to twice its normal size in random places, but i do know you said you'd have it fixed.

a month ago.

i'm not complaining. i just want to let you know that the people before you did an outstanding job and so far you have a lot of catching up to do if you intend on getting best apartment manager ever award.

3 hours and 15 minutes

2007-04-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

tomorrow is the day of the big race. it is really hard to believe that it has been nearly seven months sice we decided to do this. i think i "trained" for about four months all together - but not consecutively. and mostly before the new year.
so anyways. there is a lot about this trip to look forward to. which is fortunate - because if it were only to go run, i may just have to throw myself down the stairwell here at the office and try to injure something to put myself out of the race.

..I will get to spend time with both of my beautiful sisters. just the three of us for the first time in a long long time
..I will get to see Kelsey W. whom I have not seen in years. YEARS!
..I will get to meet Cassie for real
..I will get to be in Nashville Tennessee. a place I have never gone, but have always wanted to go
..I may get a t-shirt that claims I ran in the Country Music Marathon of 07
..I'll get to hear a different country band every mile or so
..We are planning on eating at a raved-about pancake house
..I get to fly. an activity which never ceases to thrill me
..I'm sure there's a ton more, but that's it for now.

I have another hour before it's time to head to the airport. I better go ahead and stare at the clock. YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! I can't wait!

"Ride it like you stole it."
-my boss

2007-04-25T08:35:00.000-07:00

life is sweet.
you know the end of Amelie when there is happy accordian music and the narrator is making simple observations and the world just seems right?

i feel like that is the season i am currently in.

i wanted to tell you more about the Bull but everytime i try and write out these funny stories about him they seem to just come off as rude.
basically he still cannot control the volume of his voice. only today it lead to me overhearing his implications of my incompetence. among various other odd statements. he still bounces his bull-leg and shakes the entire floor. today a lady in another cubicle said, 'do y'all feel that? is the floor shaking? my chair is shaking...'

so it's not just me being over-dramatic.

i think i will start giving you a new saying that my new boss says in every post.
today i will leave you with:
"there's so many you can't swing a dead cat with out hittin' one"

hey hey it's the UK

2007-04-17T08:12:00.000-07:00

so ellen and i skipped over the pond for the weekend to visit our dearest maria jourdan.
i can't even describe how wonderful a trip this was. every moment was sweet and fun and perfect.
there's not even a thought of havinf missed something or not seen enough or what have you. it was just right. i wish we could have stayed longer. but as it was - was just right.

i posted a bunch of pictures, but they are only a fraction of the batch of over 1100 images that ellen and i took.
i am so pumped to print them and put them in and actual album - you know, like the olden days before online albums and photo buckets.

anyways.

back to the grind.
I praise God for that little adventure and brief escape from the drudge.

speaking of escape. it turns out that my sister may be moving to hawaii.

bye now.

2007-04-17T08:10:00.000-07:00

2007-04-17T08:03:00.000-07:00

2007-04-17T08:01:00.000-07:00

2007-04-17T07:59:00.000-07:00

oh deer!

2007-04-09T11:50:00.000-07:00

well. i hit a deer.
actually the deer sort of hit me. if you want to get technical.

there i was just traveling along. minding my own business.
i was passing another car. the deer just sauntered out in front of their car and stopped. i saw it all happen in slow motion. they swirved to the right a little and smacked right into the deer. the angle at which they hit it caused a flurry of fur and legs and guts to project backwards to my car. agh!
i just yelled really loudly and mowed down the corpse with my right front bumper and tire.
i pulled over to make sure it didn't pop a tire. the other car was about 50 yards behind me. i was waiting thinking they would pull up to make sure my car was okay. nope. they just drove off. for all they know i could have been stranded with two flat tires! jerks. the world is full of them.
anyways. the car was fine. so i drove on home.
i was totally wired and wide awake the remaining 2.5 hours.

so there's a cure for drowsey driving. hit something of substantial size.

now i have to go get my car fixed.

new kid on the block

2007-04-04T12:20:00.000-07:00

so my bosses and coworkers have all been playing musical chairs over the past couple of months and are at a point where they may stay for a while.
in all of the hustle and bustle there came a few new members to my beloved little team.
i will call him the bull. as in bull-dozer. he is also at times referred to as cry-baby-crypsie.

when bull comes to work, make no mistake that it is he who enters. the floor usually shakes a little when people walk around in the office, but with bull - it's way more than a little shakeage. don't get me wrong. i am in no way saying that he is fat. infact he appears to be in fairly apt physical condition. but his stature is quite substantial. he's just a big guy.
bull suffers from voice imodulation. a condition for which awareness was hieghtened after will ferrell's appearance on SNL. you can hear everything the bull says.

basically his presence is large and in your face even if you are cowering in your cube space avoiding confrontation with him. invariably, though, he will always come by and talk through the beaded curtain that clearly screams "privacy please". and ten times out of ten bull is asking an identical question to what he asked you the day before, or eleven minutes ago. and surprisingly the answer remains the same.

well bull has decided that he belongs in the cube next to mine. after about 20 mintues of opening and closing all the drawers (of which there are only three), and from the sound of it, throwing his body into the cube walls, he is nearly settled.
now it's time for bull to make a lot of personal phone calls. (dude i can hear you. AND it sounds like john's wife doesn't really want to borrow your wife's breast pump. let it go).
he somehow still has excess energy even after all of the moving and shaking he did.
so he proceeds to sit and bounce his knee for the next hour.
how do i know this is what he's doing> because, like i said, the floor is quaking. my computer's monitor is actually bobbing and ratteling from the motion.
dude! stop shaking the entire building!
i'm getting sea sick.
if i yack you better believe i'm aiming over the top of the cube.

seriously. stop.

Will Ferrell - Voice Imodulation - These bloopers are hilarious

for lunch today, we'll be having second hand smoke. hope you're hungry.

2007-04-03T10:36:00.000-07:00

My eyes were opened a little today. well spiritually and mentally, because quite frankly it wasn't physically possible for me to keep my actual eyelids ajar.
(can you say ajar in reference to eyelids? is eyelids one word or two?)

anyways.
it all starts with this morning. i woke up at 655 with a vice grip head ache. my alarm had been going off for precisely an hour and ten minutes. i think i realized that i could hear it about 30 minutes into it, but my dream had incorperated it so that turning it off was not an option. so there i lay for over an hour subconciuosly listening to that shrill beeping.
so anyways. i got dressed and ready in the dark and stumbled down the stairs. made it to work on time, but didn't realize til i got there that i had accidentally dressed about 20 years older than my age, and i forgot to brush, comb, touch or even look at my wack head of hair. woops.

so i sat in my cube for appx three hours before having any human contact. my eyes were nearly closed the entire time.

blah blah.
well it was time for lunch and so i went to a coffee shop i had driven by yesterday. it claims to be the 'only wood fired coffee in austin'. not that i really know what that means - but it sounded good. it was a pretty cool little place. i decided to sit outside and write my prayer journal for the day. pleasant time.

well about 5 minutes after i sat down there came a pretty odd ("very austin" as non-austinites would say) couple. it was an older lady and a young guy covered in ink. they chose the table right next to mine. fine. i can handle that. then they both light up. i happen to be directly in the path on which the wind is taking thier smoke. so my tired puffy eyes were forced to even more norrow slits so that i could try and see what i was writing.
the presence of evil was pretty distinct.
this is when my other eyes started to come awake. the couple was talking about their upcoming ritual. apparently someone named raven and another named willow (reeeeeal original) were arguing over which diety was to be paired with the pheonix in the production. yadda yadda yadda. there was multiple profanities and lots of mention of "the magic". it was crazy to listen to them talk and hear that they think that junk is real.

with every word they spoke i got this mental image of a bubble coming out of their mouth and floating up and bursting leaving no trace of its existence.
how empty and self serving.

anyways. they finally got up to leave and as they were walking off it stuck me that they look just like anybody else walking down the street. and then to think of all the people in this city that i see all the time. and how many of them are so deep in these dark pits of sin and hopelessness.

how selfish of me to not be burdened to share the amazing life and truth and fullness i know in GOD.
i hope that as i know GOD more and as i spend more time with HIM, HIS presence consumes me. so that when i sit down at a table next to someone, they don't feel like darkness is near, but the see and feel a warmth and life that can only be rooted in GOD the FATHER.

there's a whole city of lost souls right here. i don't have to go to a third world country to find them. I hope that I can see some people here come to know Christ this year.

are we allowed to make new year's resolutions in April?
yeah?
okay.

2007-03-26T12:46:00.000-07:00

So it's 10 pm and I find myself in the company of three uproariously funny young men. Not a bad situation if you ask me. At any rate we were at a local pizza joint. One I had heard rave reviews over. For thier protection I won't name names - but it rhymes with Schmalvation Pizza.
The events that transpired were nothing unexpected and won't necessarily deter me from dining there in the future. But I will warn you. This is not for the weak at stomach.
So there we sit. in the quaint house-like setting. We admire the light fixtures and decorations. The pizza comes and we continue to lavish the accolades upon this place.
Conversation is entertaining to say the very least and atmosphere it delightful.

Then one of the dinner companions throws his slice of pizza down on his plate and through a full mouth partly covered by his hand yells 'whoa! look!'. the remaining three of us look to where he is guesturing. One of the others yells, "O my gosh!"
We all three crack up and are probably being a little over dramatic. but the sheer size of it was so shocking that there was nothing you could do other than react in a proportionately large manner.
Our waiter comes around the corner holding a measely paper towel. Someone says, "you're going to need more than that paper towel."
So he disappears around the corner to return wielding a broom along with his trusty paper towel.

After tracking down his game he comes up behind it and proceeds to beat the living crap out of it before he swipes it up with the PT and retreats back to the kitchen.

I have never seen a roach that large in all my life.
It didn't help that its three inch long body was contrasted by the yellow and white striped wall paper.

Anyways.
That's all I've got.

Oh dilbert. you know me so well.

2007-03-21T09:25:00.000-07:00

vacancy

2007-03-15T10:03:00.000-07:00

Well, I would love to tickle you with words of the hilarities that usually overflow from my work days. but, I'm just going to be frank, there's really nothing to tell.
I think it has to do with a slightly sour attitude - because really the stuff before wasn't all THAT funny, but somehow struck me as so.

So that's that. life is just truckin' right along.
normal.
mundane.
but not lacking love, and joy and blessings.
but right now is a sort of growing period - with all types of growing pains.

I went and got my taxes done.

who knew it was that pricey?

There's a jar of markers on my desk. I make it a goal to try and use all 50 colors at least once per day. it's a lot more difficult that you's think.

I officially fell off the marathon training wagon. The shoes I wore the other night tried to murder my feet, but only managed to leave them severely mawled. - so needless to say, running shoes strapped on over the wounds was out of the question for a few days.
and by a few days, i mean tomorrow will have been a week.

that's cool though. we'll make it through. I mean I already paid my entry fees and bought a plane ticket... we'd better make it through.

I had a spinach/pineapple drink today. i feel super healthy (despite the lack of excercise...)

ummmm.....

that's about it.

now you know.
I better go make sure the copiers and printer are full of paper - just incase someone comes in and wants to print something. and then I need to check all the staplers.

bye now

2007-03-07T08:05:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to lie. work-wise the past few weeks have been the crappiest yet. I am seriously feeling a burden of my hours spent daily re-arranging dropdown menus on excel sheets not impacting anyone or cause or thing in a positive way.

but God's working on me and my attitude about it all.

anyways. the stress and trauma of it all has temporarily drained any humorous inspiration of the work-world around me.

A dear dear old friend and birthday twin called yesterday with an extra ticket to the Houston rodeo this Friday when Pat Green is playing. Heck yes, I say. heck yes.
so I get to run off on a spontaneous overnight trip to Houston to go to a rockin concert and look at cows.

I'll be sure and take pictures.

a few of the fam...

2007-03-01T09:09:00.000-08:00

new couch

2007-02-28T06:54:00.000-08:00

So this is it. the new couch. I'm lovin' it!

at the zoo

2007-02-16T08:21:00.000-08:00

wooooooaaahhhh....... yyyaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy

2007-02-12T11:28:00.000-08:00

this weekend has felt slightly like a roller coaster.
Well I say that, but I've never actually been on a roller coaster. So it's what I would imagine an enjoyably rollercoaster ride would be like...

one time in the 7th grade the student council went on a trip to joyland. i rode the music-go-round with my friend amber sutton. when it was over i went and threw up the merichino cherries i had at lunch that day.... i never ventured to a big ride because of it. and sometimes merichino cherries gross me out.

anyways. back to this weekend.
I won't give you a play by play but, suffice it to say, it was fun fUN FUN!
I felt like I was in my freshman semester of college again. There was mini golf, dance movies, music music music, and lots of laughing and talking. There was also a part where I cried. they weren't happy tears, but they were really good. I talked with my God a lot and He broke my heart over a few different things. I enjoy His teaching and presence more that wards can describe.
My heart feels full.

At the same time I feel overwhelmed. overwhelmed by good things and other things. work is full of tasky tasks and stressy stress. I feel it encroaching a little on my, up until recently, "non-work" life. but I guess they were never completely segregated to begin with.
overwhelmed by all the amazing books i want to read, and all the knowlege that lay in store.
overwhelmed by all the new people in my life and fantastic relationships that are ready to be made. by all the prayer that will go into these new found friends.
overwhelmed by the state of leadership i find myself in. it's a state that came without petition, but feels completely right, but not easy by any means.
overwhelmed.
but not overtaken and not consumed.

I'm taking my work team down to go to a petting zoo next week.
how often does that happen in the corperate world? I feel like sometimes it's my place in this monster of a company to do random things such as that to fly in the face of "the man".
"the man" wouldn't be caught dead in a petting zoo. "the man" would snipe the little animals from afar. some days i really can't stand "the man". what did the animals ever do to him? all they do is what he asks. they sit in their little baxes and turn in the reports he asks for. even though he never really even looks at them before they go in the circle file. poor little animals. all they want is some food and warmth and maybe an extra bit of attention? is that so much to ask? huh? is it?

like i said...

A SHOE! bless you

2007-02-08T06:04:00.000-08:00

There are shoes in which i run only. there are shoes that make me tall. there are shoes that are just for dancing. and there are ones i hardly wear at all. but the truth remains, i love each pair - especially the ones i can wear anywhere.

there's a story or a good laugh behind each shoe you see. it's weird how they are all a part of my life.

don't judge me. i just really like shoes - ok?

not so fast

2007-02-05T10:03:00.000-08:00

just as my mourning has subsided

il rentre ma vie

but it didn't last, and closure was reached.

I am quietly working when I hear someone pass by. then again. then back again. I just figure it's Damion doing his daily scavanging in the abandoned cubicles. so I keep my head down. Then I hear rummaging and ripping of paper and various other noises from the cube behind me. Again, assumed to be damion - because he has been in that cube the past two weeks.
Then a familiar voice "Did you have Easter while I was gone?"

Bob! he's back!

I'm confused, not by his appropriately odd return, but what the heck did he just say?
He comes around the corner holding out a broken egg sell filled with confetti.

*pause*

To give you a little insight, Damion has been seriously scavanging in the empty spaces and finding things like eggshells of confetti. he then will retreat back to his new cube (Bob's old cube) with his armloads of "goodies". cofetti eggs, pencils, stuffed animals, stress balls, posters... you know, "one man's trash..."
I guess this angered the Bob to see that someone didn't realize his abscence was not yet final.

anyways.
I just looked at him, then the egg, then him again.. he just stood there.
did he really want to know if we "had easter"?

him, the egg, him, the egg...

"no, no we didn't have easter."

then he laughs and walks off.

well he continues banging around over there for about five more minutes. Then he re-emerges with a box in his arms, presumably full of baby tabasco bottles, stuffed bears, railroad tycoon software and dumbells. (of coarse, what else would someone come back to the office to pick up?)

"Well, Emily, what we had was nice. When we had it"
"Are you going for good?"
"Yep, this is it"
"Bye"
then I go back to typing
he continues to stand there 'what we had?' i think to myself. does he know about this blog? does he know my family is well aquainted with his influence on my work week? surely not. surely he's just being his wierd, awkward, say inappropriate things - self
"well goodbye sweetie"
yep. he was just being Bob.
"bye"

then as he walks off he starts stammering over saying something about how sweetie wasn't a good thing to say er, uh, er, uh...

"BYE BOB" I say over his mutterings.

Then he's gone.

gone

gone.

consider this moment the last you will hear of Bob.

Bob is no more.

happy v day

2007-02-02T06:35:00.000-08:00

it's the one on the left. no no the left. yeah, that's it.

Damion has actually taken Bob's cubicle.

2007-02-01T12:14:00.000-08:00

This season Damion is the new Bob.
yesterday he was on the telephone with some one who called him for IT support. That being his main job.
Let me step aside, for a moment, to inject my opinion. I happen to like when IT help guys are amiable and chatty. That way, while your waiting for your password to reset or what-have-you, there's no wierd long pauses with chewing or breathing noises. However, I usually like talking more about the weather or our pet's names etc.
Anyways. Damion proceeds to gab for the next 45 minutes about how many video games he has, what level he has reached on each one, and what areas of the terrain he has the most trouble with in each. I'm sure whomever may have been on the other end facilitated the coversation dually - it may have even been Bob - but it got to a point where Damion was just brag brag bragging and reciting information about the makers of such and such games and how they're better than so and so.
All of this was done at full volume and interrupted by Damion's squirly phsyco laugh from time to time.
I am not joking. think of the scariest clown you've ever seen and give him a high ptiched laugh and that would be about right.

clowns are so freaky.

anyways. after a full morning of calls and gaming-talk Damion begins to pack up some junk from the junk closet. but while doing this there is an obsene amount of burping, huffin and puffing. from the sound of it, you would think that D is about 490 pounds. but really, he's quite small.
I couldn't get past the burping, though. He KNOWS i can hear him. gross, dude. just gross.maybe you should get that checked out.

blah blah blah... he does other odd-ball stuff for the rest of the day.

well today he comes in to retrieve all the junk he had packed yesterday. he came to my cube and stood there for a while. I was pretending like I didn't know he wa ther - just to see how long it would take for him to either walk away or say something.
about 40 seconds later he says, "hey how ya doin?"
"good, how are you today?"
"okay, i could be better"
well - i was just going to leave it as was, but he stood there acting like he wanted me to ask him what was wrong.
"what's the matter?
"nothing."
"how come it could be better? what's wrong?"
I was playing along...
"nothing's wrong, it's just life."
"what? what's wrong with life?"
"nothing, everything's fine."
"oh. okay"
i'm done with that. i don't have time to burn going back and forth on this life-sucking topic.
"I guess when I check my lottery ticket it could be a lot better."
then he just sulks off.

What a sad sad little man.

It really does make me sad. Doesn't the world just seem so hopeless with out the knowlege of a God who is there? I would hate to live in an existence of my life being a meaningless blob with no vision or anticipation for the future. I would hate it if my joy depended on whether or not my lattery ticket reeped any monetary benefit. if money were the answer to life - i'd be sunk for sure.

gosh.
so that depressing little moment ontop of sitting alone in an empty office. ontop of the past several weeks of total cloud cover and drizzle. ontop of missing my family... it's been a kind of down day.

but i get to go dancing tonight after i have dinner and watch the office with friends and co workers.
i've implimented weekly "office parties" at my apartment. i cook and everyone else from work and play come over to eat and watch the office.

so threr will be an upside the today's activities.

the cool part about this deathly quiet office is the space to think and pray and read.
blessing in diguise i guess.

okay. that's enough for now.

ekh, signing off.

office catasrophe

2007-01-30T12:33:00.000-08:00

I accidently squirted hand sanitizer directly into my can of diet coke.
crap.
I went to subway for lunch and was pumped because i didn't have to buy chips or a drink. there was both back at the office. I get back to the ofice and there is one glorious bag of chips left. I open up the bag to find five chips. not even five chips and a bunch of crumbs. no, just five solitary chips.
what the heck?
I nearly face plant every time I try to get out of my cubicle due to the sheer mass of cords and wires my feet are always tangled up in. Today, however, it was the worst (or best) trip ever when I was getting up to meet a new vendor that was at my doorway. there's a nice how do ya do.
I had to do a lot of writing and figuring on paper for some assignments. I use only the greatest pens - you know - the extra fine rolling ball percision V5's. (cough and buff nails of shoulder like i'm a really cool expert) so, as you might imagine i now have ink on every single digit and all up the side of my hand. that's where the hand sanitizer in the coke comes in.

all in all, it's been a pretty good day.

it's a slippery slope, my friend

2007-01-23T13:50:00.000-08:00

Maybe I have had about ten miniature candy canes today.
'tis the season.
Also there are some lingering christmas decorations up in the ol' cube-space.
'tis the season.

Speaking of cube space... get out of mine, Damion*.
There's a new fly buzzing around this heap. We will call him Damion. First off, he's a returning fly. I don't know the root of his long ansence, but I give it many thanks and beg it's intervention once again. There's no amount of ignoring or sideways glares that will thwart Damion's resiliant persistance.
So I sit quietly in my space, my space with a makeshift door, not soliciting any company or conversation (for the most part). But Damion somehow misreads this stoic silence for an open and standing invitation. He comes by and stops on every trip to say a few words. Usually a snide remark or two about the pictures on my wall, or the christmas lights being out of season or something.
A particular instance almost was too much for even him. He sees a Bible sitting on my desk and says, "What are you trying to save yourself?" I reply, "No, I'm already saved." It maybe wasn't the most eloquent or well thought out retort, but it was what first came to mind. "Well at least one of us is, I'm going straight to Hell. Did you get that email I sent you?"
nice subject change. practically seamless.

The email was a bunch of spreadsheets, but when you open them, he had dropped in flash games like mini-golf and pacman.
I spent a solid 30 minutes playing putt putt yesterday. I'm really good at it. Trust me on this.

Anyways. What I am saying is, Damion is a walking awkward. No fail - he will suck the lfe and smooth-flowing conversation right out of the room... er cube.
He will talk to you for minutes upon minutes upon minutes about things to which you never hinted at having an interest. and 9 times out of 9 the conversation will lead to a dead end path of one party just nodding and saying, "yep" until he finally feels goofy enought to just walk away.

oy vey . there's no escape.

* name changed to protect the guilty

Bye bye Birdie

2007-01-18T09:11:00.000-08:00

Dear Bob,

I feel that the time is right to say my last goodbyes. It wasn't until today that I came to grips with the fact that you're gone for good. I will no longer wait with baited breath for your return.

I feel I must explain the delay in my coming to this resolve. To be honest, I'm not even sure from where this resolve hails. You see, all the signs still point to your presence.

What's a girls to think when she sees your Railroad Tycoon II computer games still lying around? And what about that super tiny Tabasco sauce bottle? You're just going to leave it behind like a meaningless trinket?

I think I understand the metaphorical reasoning behind your abandoning the 25 lbs. dumb-bell. Your past was wieghing you down and all, but how will you maitain your studly physique if you don't do curls while waiting for your spreadsheets to load?

Please don't tell me you just won't do your curls. please.

Every time I hear the main door open and close and the squeak of worn out tennis shoes on the tile, I feel a jump in my throat. "It's him!" But alas, it is nearly always the UPS man. Bob, will you ever come back?

I hope that you enjoy your new life. I hope that your new cube neighbor knows the treasure trove they have in you. I hope that you can have as wide spread effect there as you have had here.

My friends, my family, they all still ask after you. What am I to tell them? That it's over? That you've left me forever. That no more will I have daily tributes and stories to tell?

"What news of Bob these days?" they ask. "Bob and I have been separated for over a month now. I didn't have the heart to tell you sooner. In fact I only recently came to believe it myself. It was just so sudden."

One day you were here and all was normal. Your helocpter hovered around the office while you wore the control securely around your neck. It seems like only yesterday your boat was parked just outside. And then, just like that, you're gone. No note, no farewell luncheon... just.... gone.

You are missed. And if ever you decide to visit, know there's always a spot for you. Not, your old spot, though, I heard someone talking about moving in the other day. But I'm sure there will be an empty cubicle around here somewhere.

Here's to fate, and the off chance our paths may one day cross again...

Cheers.

simply delightful

2007-01-11T06:56:00.000-08:00

.being asked to dance
.watching someone who is totally absorbed in what they're doing
.seeing something be done the very best it could have possibly been done
.christmas lights anytime
.earings that make jingly noises when you turn your head
.super soft sheets
.finding photos you forgot about
.someone recognizing that you did something well
.pretty handwriting
.crunchy leaves to walk on and kick around
.rain when it's warm and sunny
.the smell of fresh paint
.your neck and jaw hurting from laughing
.grafitti on rail cars
.bridges
.music that makes you move
.not being able to hide a smile
.understanding
.not having to talk and it being perfectly fine
.knowing something is being prepared for you, but you don't know what - so you look for it in everything
.finding the perfect gift for someone
.ice cream
.knowing exactly what you are hungry for, then being able to have it, then it be satisfying
.the little jumps and black dots on the movie screene at the theater
. wind blowing your hair straight up
.photography
.a story that can be told a million times and never get old
.having a plan that woks out just like you'd hoped
.feeling surprised by someone you were all wrong about
.forgiveness
.candy canes
.kolaches from Lone Star Kolaches
.sweet tea with a lime
.flying on airplanes
.knowing someone is looking at you waiting for you to look back
.good hair days
.clear skin
.men in suits
.a chair feeling like it was made for you
.driving around to look at houses
.someone saving a seat for you
.clothes that fit perfectly
.shoes
.hearing a song you've heard a million times, but this time it's on good headphones and you realize there's background noise and little mixing details you never knew were there. (Anthony by Nickle Creek)
.looking back and seeing that a lot has happened
.sunglasses
.shoes
.listening to laughter
.chocolate covered things. anything
.sunsets
.age groups intermingling with mutual love and adoration
.not having to have the last word
.stairs
.socks filled with warm rice
.waking up in the same position you went to sleep in
.stringed instruments
.the word floutist
.a naturally occuring nickname that sticks
.praying
.cross-genre duets
.lists
.family
.mexican wrestling posters
.your favorite pen never running out of ink
.the office
.jim on the office
.half smiles
.blank notecards
.good hold music on the phone
.really nice paper
.being able to put exactly what'sin your head on paper (or canvas)
.books
.life

2007-01-08T12:10:00.000-08:00

Garfield the cat once said, "if people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters."
And I stand by that.

even though he said "we" and he is clearly not a person.

I stand by that.

2007-01-03T12:45:00.000-08:00

well it's official.
craigslist is one of the greatest things to grace the world wide web.
i have been wanting to get rid of my couch for a while. I put up a few flyers at my apartment's communtiy ad boards. then yesterday I put it on craigslist and BAM! today it's sold. Friday it will be gone.
Now I need to get a new couch. I am excited. I want something awesome and rediculously comfortable. I can't wait to spend a whole saturday couch shopping.
yes yes yes.
I also, in the time i've been looking online at couches, have come to realize there's a lot of stuff I want.
New sheets, a rug, curtains?, wacky lamps, coffee table...... then when you look at anthropologie for furnishings you're bound to get side tracked onto the apparel section... so there's a whole new set of wants...
why do i always want something more or different than what I have?
do you think it could be related to the fact that I am a new creation that has been awakened to the idea that there is so much more that I am a part of, beyond this life? that maybe my always wanting something is like a spiritual parallel to my soul yearning for heaven.
i think this is a valid analysis. however, the flaw comes in that where my soul is eternal and never will run dry, my checking acount is very finite and will run dryer faster than i can say "oo oo gimme that!"

Also, the things that my soul longs towards are much deeper and more satisfying than a new throw pillow.
but you get the idea.

there's a want on the surface that is a superficial tale of the deep and real want that lies below.

Heaven

Can't wait

It's gonna be great.

go and look

2006-12-28T14:46:00.000-08:00

hey, go to
www.emilykharrison.com
and tell me what you think. it's rough and temporary, but it'll have to do for now. i'm not "rockafella", afterall.

e-walk away, just e-walk away

2006-12-28T09:40:00.000-08:00

so three or four years ago they broke up.

they had talked about marraige, then she went to europe for a few months and he dumped her long distance.

he also had break-up talks with her whole family who had grown to love him and had taken him in as one of their own.

right when she got back from europe she met up with him and they got it settled face to face. like civilized, respectful human beings.

hadn't seen him since.

heard he got married.

so she and her two sisters were walking into the airport to greet some incoming family.

and, because that's how her family is - they were wearing totally wacky hats.

her particular peice of headwear appears to be some type of lamb skin contraption that is intended for warmth beneath a hard hat. it basically looks like a blue, fuzzy, lamb lined, velcro hood. resembles the hood that an ewok would wear.

who is coming out of the airport at the same moment in time? ex-boy and his wife.

girl was temped to dive back into the floorboard of the car that ha just dropped them off and yell "drive! drive!"

but she bucked up and faced it like the brave little soldier she is.

the girl and sisters greeted boy and wife. had a brief akward interchange of words and then moved on.

later on they laughed and laughed about how that was the first time girl had seen ex-boy since the break-up.

fortunately he was able to see, in that breif encounter, exactly what he had given up. fool.

dashed fool.

hahahahaha

ewok hat.

2006-12-21T05:28:00.000-08:00

:::update:::

2006-12-20T13:03:00.000-08:00

I have failed to keep you in the loop as far as he goings on of BOB are concerned and I'm sorry.

Basically the only things of note are the shirts that show his back and belly any time movement is required. He's been flying a toy helocopter around the office for three days now. one incident saturated the office in awkward vibe, floor to cieling.

my sales team was standing around in a circle-like pattern discussing this weeks sales quotas. here comes bob. bob and his helocopter. so there bob is... flying a helocopter roughly the size of a watermelon while the circle of sales continues to converse. bob appears as a sort of side note to the focus of the room. he's venturing his chopper close enough to the circle to draw some attention to himself. at this moment one of the head honchoes from our most major account walks in. you can tell that the team desperately wants to relay that "he's not with us". yeah, him with the tiny shirt and the toy chopper... we don't know him.
but to no avail.
there's a painfully tense few seconds before bob returns to his cubicle and the honcho can introduce himself to the team...

wacky, bob. just wacky.
not that i don't think toy helocopters are cool. i do . i really do. but the facts are that this is not grade school show and tell. your fighter pilot helmet was at least silent. this is starting to get out of control when i have a hard time hearing my boss on the phone because the hover craft of sorts that is lingering above my cube is making too much noise.

why?
why?
why?

Bob. you have seemingly good intentions, but are severely lacking in poise and social couth.

oh and by the way, you sneaking up on me when i have earphones in is so not cool. especially when you're trying to hand me a cd of one song that your "band" recorded three years ago. I don't really feel like our relationship is at the level where we can share our past... you know. don't get me wrong. i think it's great that you have so much under your belt. and really, the song wasn't bad... but i was already listening to something. that's why i had headphones in. it's screamingly akward to have to take out the music i was thoroughly enjoying, put in your cd and have to listen to a song you "wrote, sang and played bass for" while you stand there looking at me.
in your tiny shirt.

also, when I'm on conference calls and they can here you saying profane expressions in the background in your typical loud voice... not cool, man.

okay.
that's all i got for now.

our office christmas party is tomorrow. bob's not going. it's just the sales team. i halfway want him to be there, for story's sake... but also, would never ever want to see him outside of the office.

ever.

but there will be food, scrabble, a fireplace and most likely alcohol. it's BYOB, so there will either be a whole lot of it or barely any. i don't think i'll be bringing any. i will, however, provide some nog.

i hope it's fun. i had a dream about it last night. in the dream version it was very not fun. but that is a story for another day

ps. bob faithfully uses the shoe string he has finagled into being a neck strap for the remote to his little chopper.

haha

now THAT'S funny

2006-12-15T06:59:00.000-08:00

happy holidays?

2006-12-12T11:02:00.000-08:00

I am sick over the fact that "happy Holidays" is the phrase of choice. How many years up until this pivot has we been saying "Merry Christmas" without incident?
And honestly, how often do when get to use the word "Merry"? merry birthday? no merry st. patrick's day? no.
And what the heck is wrong with using a word that originates from the root intent of having a celebration this time of year?
Oh oh... don't say that. "Christ" is hidden in the lettering. It might offend someone. Since when is Christ such a dirty word?

Why do we all have to water down our beliefs and generalize our statements to blanket the masses with a non-offensive grey mush?
Why is our society so afraid and cowardice? We are refusing, with every politically correct verbalization, to admit that there is something outside of ourselves. That there is something at work greater than our own feelings and something more important than whether or not we are offended by something.

If these people that are so much about free speech and so much about the liberty of the people would get over themselves, they'd see that they are a walking contradiction.
If they lived and stood for what they say they do, they would encourage everyone to speak boldly of their faith and views. instead they force feed everyone a list of what you can and cannot say as to maintain a cohesive feeling of nondescript numbness.
These people who pride themselves on being reformers are really just piddling in dopey side issues. like we shouldn't say "christmas" because it interferes with the delicate seperation of church and state. While at the core of it all they refuse to see that there is a smoldering flame of right versus wrong, good against evil, God and gods, and guilt and shame over abandoning foundational belief systems that could keep a civilization rooted.

so MERRY CHRISTMAS

as long as

to those:

2006-12-08T05:40:00.000-08:00

Last night Lee Ann Womack was playing at Midnight rodeo. I feel like that's an indicator of a rocky patch in an otherwise wildly successful artist's career. She sang good. No problems as far as music was concerned.

However, I would like to spend some time disclosing the nature of the company. My dear friend who went with me, Courtney, can possibly attest to some if not all of this.
Subject numero uno - the first partener of the night. we basically walked around, two step-ish. He tried to spin me once but disaster ensued. so he resumed the "count in your head" method of moving across the floor. he was nice, though.

numero dos - this is the one that requires the most discription.
First answer me this, why would a five foot three guy ast a five foot eight girl to dance. Does he not know this is an uncomfortable set up. apparantly not. I don't remember what he said his name was, but i DO remember telling him ine and then not four minutes later him asking me my name, as though I hadn't just told him. so, naturally I gave him a different name. and the next time a different one... and so on. finally he started getting irritated. he and his compadres were hanging around me and mine a little too closely. The descent one spun courtney away and left me there to endure the awkward onslaught of frustrating conversation with short-boy. He was double fisting millers from the time they came over til i managed an escape - but the escape only led to further awkwardidity... yeah I said it. but more on that later. The recounting of the events to follow are in so way motivated by self glory- in fact they're more embarrassing than anything else.
now it's drunk-short-boy. he keeps coming over and standing RIGHT next to me. so i'll start to talk to someone else or look around, or go to the bathroom or something. occasionally i look over to catch him openly gawking at me. crrreee--eeeppeeeeeee.... one time i look over and say, "what? can I help you?"
"you're beautiful"
"thanks"
then I desperately start searching for some one to give the 'oh my goodness, for the love, please come rescue me' look. there's no one.
"why won't you look at me for more than five seconds?"
"because I don't want to."
then he changes his gawking to boring holes in my head.
I look over again, "what?!"
"do you smoke?"
"no"
"me either, do you want to go smoke with me"
"i just said i didn't"
"you know what i'm talking about"
oooohhh..... how could i be so naive. of coarse I don't want to go off with you somewhere. idiot. gross little,drunk, short idiot.
"no"
"come on, let's go"
"no"
"come on." tries to grab at my hand which i quickly pull away
"I said no"
then he goes back to boring holes in my head only with more intensity.weirdo.

mind you, this entire time I have been taking small steps away from him and trying to get in a place where i could either make a break for it or get picked up to dance by some knight in shining armor. we moved approximately a total of 10 yards.

I feel his drunk, short little eyes...
"what?! what's your deal?"
"you know if you're not interested you could just say so. you don't have to toy with me. blah blah blah..."
he grows to a level of hostility that makes me look at one of his buddies and say, "are you gonna tell your friend to stop yelling at me?"
He then turns to said friend and is trying to explain himself when I see my opportunity to get the hell out of dodge.

Thankfully some guy that was dancing with courtney earlier came along and took me around. so enters numero tres.

he is devistatingly unatractive. an okay dancer.but how many songs can you do the exact same steps and spin combos over and over and over and over and over and ove....

numero three is intermitantly peppered through the rest of the night as a dance partner. however. this boy was getting a little sloppy towards the end. at one point he elbowed me in the sternum with a force that knocked a little air out of me. he felt really bad - but the second time it wasn't my sternum he got and that's when it got unbearable.
"oh man I'm sorry, I hit you in the chest. which one was it?"
that's when i just walked off.
maybe a harsh reaction. but also,who asks that?
weird weird weird.

then there is quatro-
a seemingly attractive man.

WORST DANCER EVER.

cinco cut in on quatro and not a moment too soon.
cinco was fairly forgetable. nothing outstanding or painful.

Despite all the weird encounters and unatractive men, the evening was pretty fun. enjoyable.

But in retrospect - it only confirmed my opposition to going to bars to meet people. going just to dance id fun. but there are some wacky, shady, indulgent characters in that atmosphere.

I also felt assured in my apathy towards whether or not I get hit on or asked on dates. most of the joes.. wait... all of the joes i talked with weren't exactly the kind of men I would entrust with my number ... or my real name. and people are like, "i'm surprised you don't date more."
I'm not.
i am not.
maybe my "standards are too high."
maybe i'm "a snob"
maybe i do "shut people down"
maybe i do "make them feel like crap"
but really, i just gotta be me. ya know?

i just gotta be me.

deja vu

2006-12-04T07:09:00.000-08:00

As I stood there, in awe, before the towering shelf of seasonally scented lotions and body washes, my eyes fell upon the perfect flavor. Eggnog. Not two weeks before had we had the discussion about the greatness off nog. I believe the phrase, "I like my eggnog like I like my men... thick and rich." was uttered. So I take a whiff of the tester and decide - YES, eggnog smellin' lotion will be the perfect gift. She loves lotion, after all.
So I grab a big bottle, purchase it and go on my way.

fast forward to later that night.

We had gone to grab dinner and she was taking me back to my car. I couldn't wait to give it to her. I retrieved it from the passenger seat, where it laid nestled among the other purchases of the day.
She was so excited, "I LOOOOve lotion! yay. Oh this smells soooo good!"
She administers a small amount in the palms of both our hands...
"It looks really shiny"
"yeah, it's sort of sticky"
"Oh my gosh, I hope this is lotion and not shampoo!"

She reads the bottle.

"It IS shampoo!"

queue histerical laughter and screaming and tears and trying to scrape shampoo off our hand into the bottle and the laugh where no noise comes out and stomping and more laughing.................

Oh my.

imagine if you will harp music and a thought bubble with blurry edges - you know all the indications of a flashback...

Mom, my two sister and I had driven over to Lubbock for the day. We were at the checkout line in Target (this was about 12 years ago.FYI). I talk my mom into getting me some chapstick that had breathspray that came with it, both a mouthwatering vanilla flavor...
We all get in the car. I want to try out the vanilla breath spray, so I bust it out of the package and begin giving doses around the car. I spray it into my mom's mouth. My sister's mouth. My other sister's mouth. As I go to spray it in my own I notice that they are all making terrible faces and smacking their mouths.
"This doesn't taste good at all.."
I read the label.
Sure enough it's not breath spray at all, but perfume, rather.
I had just sprayed vanilla perfume into my familys' mouths.
So we hauled to sonic to get drinks to try and rid their buds of the wretched taste.

Three lessons learned that day:
1. putting others before yourself is a great idea
2. read the label before you put stuff in your mouth***
3. spray perfume in someone's mouth and they'll treat you to sonic.

*** except for I obviously didn't learn the label reading one too well. I realized this as I was wiping the shampoo residue from my hand to my jeans.
But it sure did smell good.

So there you go, I bought you shampoo because I know you love lotion so much.
Merry Christmas.

creepy is as creepy does or should I say; bob is as bob does

2006-11-22T10:30:00.000-08:00

so there i stood. gazing out on the spectacular view our conference room has to offer. just past a narrow strip of parking lot there is rollings hills with green and fall colors.
as my sight lowers to the cars parked peacefully below i spy something a little out of the ordinary.

or is it?

Behold, There Bob stood. a confident captain at the bow of his vessel. No, really, Bob was taking his smoke break on his boat which was parked in the parking lot.

WHAT!?!?

Then.. TTHHheeennnn... Bob returns to the cubes and strike up conversation with a woman. Her identity remains unknown, I chose to remain concealed in my Cubicle rather than pop my head up and stare around - this is something that Bob does, and let's face it I don't want to be creepy. (So I'll just recount his activities for friends and family on a regular basis. in shocking detail, because that's not creepy at all...)

Anyways. He refers to his boat, of coarse, in the first seconds-worth of "coversation" with woman.
Woman obliges and laughs where it was appropriate, but judging from the tone was as ready to make a break for it as cat in a pillow case.
He asks to borrow her power washer... for his boat, obviously. She tries to change the subject and gently say no, but he presses on.
you gotta give it to him, the man has perseverence.
So then he eventually gets her to conceed to him borrowing her power washer. for his boat.
she tells him he can come by and pick it up.
"Oh I don't need to take it. I'll just wash my boat at your house."
I don't think that was how she saw this going, Bob.
So then Bob has to get her number. AH HA! now we get to the crux of the matter. your boat and the power washer were all a facade to mask your intentions of "getting at her".
So she begrudgingly doles out her digits. She says to give her a call and if she's not home her daughter will be there.

enter creep out moment of the week

"oh ... apparantly I don't get along so well with peoples' daughters. It's a long story, I'll tell you later."

ummm......
I don't know just what to think or say about that.

Besides; Bob, you're not helping yourself out in the creepy department when you make comments like that. And PS, why do you talk so loud anyways?

Tis the season

2006-11-20T11:12:00.000-08:00

well, in light of the upcoming holiday, i figured i'd give some shouts to things for which i rarely voice my appreciation -

- original scent "germ-x" thank you for not smelling like an old folks home.

- super sticky sticky notes. 'post-it', you've done a good thing here.

- clean microwaves. only when you were gone did i realize my affinity for you.

- kerbey lane. i feel like my biweekly plus visits show my gratitude, but if not, i hope you know your pancakes make the world go 'round. and your queso. and your stuffed pablano. and your cobb sandwich. and your peach pork poboy. and your salsa. and your hibiscus phizz. and soft nachos. and corn cakes. and......

- uniball vision elite pens. so smooth. so long lasting. so colorful.

- science educational videos from the mid to late 80s. enough said.

- the variable sizes of the sharpie marker.

- polar ice gum. thank you thank you thank you

- name plates on two-hole punchers. yes. mine has mine name on it. doesn't yours?

- bob

- a vast memory bank of movie and telivision quotes.

- will ferrel. you savvy genius, you.

- www.hibob.fm i never knew that packman could be so fun. thank you for that.

- the dhl guy who laughs at my lame mail jokes....

- the ups guy who pretends he's never seen me before and has to tell me where to sign the tablet that i sign two times daily...

- stress balls shaped like airplanes. i don't know how the heck i am supposed to fit it in my hand, but it seems like a great idea.

- self-declared casual mondays... like today. it's casual monday.

come one, come all

2006-11-16T07:40:00.000-08:00

Okay Tomorrow i'm having an art showing.

Presto's
15201 Mason Rd
Cypress, TX (North Houston)

730 p
There will be live music and food and drinks....
also there's a drive in theater down the road.

I'm showing six paintings from my repertoire. They are all for sale.

Come
Look

2006-11-15T07:12:00.000-08:00

revolution

2006-11-14T05:46:00.000-08:00

My life has changed.
I woke up yesterday a girl and went to bed a girl with appliances.

So I got a new washer and dryer. new meaning not used, because even a used one would have been new... What i'm saying is i didn't have either before yesterday.
Up until now i had been doing the laundry mat thing.
I would wait for two weeks, so that all the effort would be worth it. load up a body-bag sized laundry carrier, drag it down three flights of stair, carry it santa claus style across the apartment complex parking lot [dodging dog crap, racoons, speeding cars, and strange neighbors] (we have two laundry mats and my apartment happens to be equal distance from both), load all my clothes into the machines and pump money into them until my pockets are about a pound lighter, close the lid and hope that no one will take my sopping articles out and leave them on the counter, then go back to my apartment and wait until it's time to trek back over and switch the clothes to a no-matter-how-many-dryer-sheets-you-use-your-clothes-are-garunteed-to-have-static dryer, and close the door hoping that it won't be nudged open by the sheer amount of shirts and underwear spinning around on the inside. then after waiting out the dryer the decision come to fold there or fold at home. Folding there is probably the better of the two - it at least sees to it that they get folded, but then there's the awkward silence when a neighbor comes in and your flouncing your underwear and ratty towels around. But cramming them all back into the body bag to take home and fold pretty much seals it that they wil never get folded and will probably get so wrinkled that you'd rather just wash them again. Either way I still have to load them all back up and hike back across the complex and up three flights of stairs.

I'm not going to lie, I turned up music and daced around while I was loading my very first pile of clothes into my very first washing machine. It is a great new light I see.

I was scared when my clothes weren't dry after the first cycle in the dryer - turns out i forgot to turn the heat on. whew.

I have arrived. I feel like a real live grown up.

look out detergent aisle, here I come.

mas mas mas

2006-11-07T14:09:00.000-08:00

I know i'm getting a little photo-post happy, but really, look at these darling children!
meet Henry Ranger and Clover Dandy.

beautiful drive

2006-11-07T06:15:00.000-08:00

honestly, why wouldn't you want to drive to Lubbock?

no joke

2006-11-06T12:45:00.000-08:00

this is an actual exerpt from my defensive driving coarse. I feel like I will be a much better driver, having seen this.

clarity

2006-11-05T12:39:00.000-08:00

oh man. so I have been confused and exasperated about the developments on the office. like why jim transferred and why pam broke it off with roy and so on.
Well, thanks be to i tunes. I know now.
and, friend.
knowing is good.
i heart the office.
i'm not going to lie.
i get sad when i miss it.
thrusdays
nbc
730
be there.

2006-11-04T14:46:00.000-08:00

t mobile

good ol' t mobile.
there's a short shout out to Lubbock in here

yay

2006-11-03T11:40:00.000-08:00

woo hoo

I jumped on the lowest price tickets I could find for tonight.

They are front row balcony - my preferred area anyways.

They were half the price since last week.

I will be accompanied by sweet miss Callie.

We will probably laugh.

We will probably clap.

It promises to be a great kick of for the weekend.

Jerry Seinfeld, live at Bass Concert Hall, Austin Texas.

dates gone awry III

2006-10-30T07:52:00.000-08:00

I have Lubbock trip pictures, but not with me and I was just reminded of this other horrible "date".

So, as we all know, I was a waitress at the local olive garden for a long 4 months. during this time I came across some memorable characters. This guy, however was not. If it weren't for this night of torture, engrained in my mind - he would be forgotten very easily.

Tony, Ian, sarah and I were all going to eat mexican food when we got off of work. It was sort of exciting because it would have been my inagrual event out with coworkers - in atempts to make friends.
I happen to get cut before all three of them, though, so I go home to work out and shower before we meet up.
Tony calls
"you ready to eat?"
"yeah, are y'all headed over there"
"yeah, see you there in a little bit."

so I go to the restaurant.
What do I find?
Tony.
just Tony.

Pause = Now - let me paint a mental picture, if you will, of my impression of Tony up until this point.

Tall. Thin. Okay looking face. nothing extra ordinary. always smiling. usually dancing and humming. hard worker. minimal complaints.

okay, un-pause =

So when, Tony called earlier he failed to mention that the other two bailed and it would be just me and him. Had he done so I would have passed as well. I didn't want exactly what happened to happen.
Since I had driven all the way there and was hungry and didn't really see a graceful way to exit, I stayed.

I kid you not - throught the next 7 hours - yes, seven, I said maybe three whole sentences. Not because I was withdrawn or shy - but because there simply wasn't any opportunity to get a word in edgewise.

So we sit at this dumpy tex-mex place where Tony tells me too much of his gruesome past. And he turns out to be a know-it-all to the maxX.
He says that he knows the guys in the back and they make special hot sacue just for him, because their regular sauce isn't hot enough.
He proceeds to tell me everything he knows about peppers and spicy stuff (not knowing that I've done research projects on capsaicin and could run him into the ground on chili and pepper trivia. fyi)
So he gets the waiter (who, by the way, happens to be the boyfriend of a guy we work with at the olive garden) to go get his "special sauce"
I try one dip of it - gag. all it is, is tabasco mixed with the regular salsa. Not a good idea. no way.
So I tell him that's what I think it is, and he acted like I was insulting him..... and his stupid sauce.
Then we had to get up twice during the meal so I could go stand outside with him and watch him smoke cigarettes.
So three hours later it looks like we are finally going to bring it to a close. I get out my purse to pay and he grabs the ticket and hands it to the waiter before I could say "smoker's breath".
Then it happens.
Some how he invites himself over to my apartment. As I sit and rack my brain, sweating bullets, trying to think of a was out he continues to talk and rapidly shuts down any avenue of escape.

I still can't remember what all was said - it's a blur - but the boy has skills. if a manipulative little turd is what you're looking for, he's your man.

Backtrack<<< we had spent a significant amount of time during the meal "talking" (he did most of the takling) about why I don't party hard and do drugs like the rest of the wait staff. And why I am not really attracted to alcohol.

So he comes over to my house under the pretenses of teaching me some tricks on the bass. just ask him - he knows everything there is to know about music and theory. just ask him. i dare you.

low and behold he has a six pack of corona with him when he comes up the stairs.

To make a four or five hour long story short - he proceeds to offer me beer every ten minutes, spills two different beers on my carpet. jams out in his own little world and sings some really dirty crappy songs he wrote for about and hour and a half. smokes what's left of his pack of cigarettes and some of a new pack. blows his nasty @$$ smoke onto the leaves of my pride-and-joy porch plants. talks non-stop for the entire four or five hours he remained. leaving no luls for me to kick him out with out being a total jerk - which in retrospect - I don't even care, I should have interrupted him, or better yet, took off when I found out it would be just me and him.
ruddy con artist has to trick people into dates.

anywho - he disclosed a lot of history on him self, his family, what it was like to grow up in a meth lab, how he felt when his quadriplegic step father passed away, why he drinks no less than a six pack a day, why he decided to be a waiter instead of an architect or a lawyer - like he has the ability to be. why he dropped out of highschool (fyi because it wasn't challenging enough, and then later his lips were looser and it turns out he was kicked out for seriously burning another kid.) blah blah blah blah.

Imagine any body language that would scream "I'M NOT INTERESTED AND I WANT YOU TO SHUT UP AND GO AWAY. I THINK YOU'RE FULL OF $@!*" and I was doing it all. crossed legs, crossed arms. staring at the floor - until I started staring out the window, just grunting anytime a response was required, yawing (even some fake yawing), blinking and rubbing my eyes, body angled away from him.... and on and on.....

so finally he's going to leave and I say
"don't forget your beer"
he gives a little trying to be salty smile and says
"I'll come back for it"
then heads down the stairs
oh no sir... no you don't
so i sprint over grab the remaing two brews from the fridge and chase him down the stairs. I push them into his skinny chest
"you should probably just take them now"
he hangs his head and continues his descent, beer in hand.

so that was a life-sucking, miserable, beating of an experince, but not entirely over.
I still had to work with the guy.
The next day he waits til a bunch of other waiters are around to ask me "did you have a good time last night"
I just boldfaced looked at him and said "no, not really"

Then for the next month or so he progressively gets more insulting and hostile towards me. he said some degrading and dumb @$$ stuff that made me want to punch his smug little head.

anyways.
I am putting this in the dates gone awry section of my life - but let there be no mistake it was not a date in my eyes. I only call it that because he paid for the food. against my will.
jerk.

2006-10-26T09:51:00.000-07:00

homeward bound

The black and the grey, marred by yellow and white, call me "dear,come hither".
The hills, the plains, home to cars and trains
winding across its face they slither.

The big sky country with its loud booming voice
echos in my heart leaving me no choice
but to go
go

I treasure these hills, these trees, these rivers
but away I am called, "come hither, come hither"

Deep is the only way to breathe
when crossing these lands like seas
the sights and the glory
the old and new stories

my head fills with memories of beauty and pain
they built this character with everything to gain

the loss i have suffered from ignorant intent
has caused only a moment of solitary lament

the new days keep coming; causing the old to wither
they beckon me forth, "come hither, come hither"

whether here or there, near or far
my dark will always be light
take the bad with the good, the lesson from the scar
and the day will soon follow night

2006-10-25T12:43:00.000-07:00

haha.
remember these? people paid lots of money for them.
idiots.

i want one.

dates gone awry II

2006-10-25T06:43:00.000-07:00

It could hardly be cosidered a summer romance.
I don't even recall why I consented. I do recall that I was staying at my sister and brother in law's house in South Dallas. And when he came to pick me up my brother was acting like he didn't care because he didn't want the dunder-head getting the idea that it was a date.

So we meet his friends at taco bell. classy. He doesn't even offer or make it to where it was implied that he would fork out a whole 4 dollars for my meal.
oh oh wait... rewind....
So we meet his friends at taco bell. as we are all trailing in, boy walks infront of me AND not only does he not hold the door, he actually drops it on me.
#$%^&
so he doesn't pay. usually I don't even bring money on dates because I don't think the invitee should be expected to pay.
but thankfully I did bring cash or I may have starved to death. TO DEATH.

so blah blah we eat the dilectable offerings of the taco bell and mozy on the the concert we had all planned on seeing.
I use the term concert loosely.
it was in a stip-mall, hollowed out store front. low cielings. horrible acustics. and a cover charge.
great.

there was a girl there that I knew, so I took refuge in her company for the duration of this "concert" (for lack of a better word)

then, just when I thought me and my broke self were going to be carted back to the house.... a moments notice change in the plans occured.

We all head over to boy's friends' house to watch Donnie Darko.

Now I realize that plenty of people love this movie. I don't realize why, though.

take time travel, death, and a big bunny with a scary face and you've got donnie darko.

possibly the worst movie ever.

this opinion may be tainted by the far from pleasant build up - but it also may just be a crappy movie.

Then, finally. after a gruling two hours of wishing I had my own wheels to be able to get the heck out of there, my chance came.

But then it was quickly detoured when boy and his dumb A friends found some firecrackers.

Then they started lighting them.

in the living room.

so now I was broke, depressed, and my life was in danger.

"Yeah I had a great time. Tomorrow? sure!"

dates gone awry

2006-10-23T12:27:00.000-07:00

so let's go ahead and spill our guts. I've had some fairly miserable date experiences in my day. I planned on going down the list of them as an overview - then I thought it would be more fun to explain the stories. so we'll start with the cake topper so if I loose steam on this topic it will at least have been somewhat worth it.

There I was a young girl at the age of nineteen. Working in a cigar shop and living beyond my years.
A group of three guys came into the store one day. I don't recall their faces or names, save one, but I do recall thinking there was one that was not bad looking and they were collectively entertaining.

A day or two later the store phone rings, it's for me.
The low voice of Austin Chote came over the line, "I was in the store a few days ago, you may not remember me. I was with my goofy friends. anyways, I would like to know if you'd have dinner with me."

I agree, putting all my chips on the fact that it was the good looking one.

The day of the date comes. He is scheduled to come pick me up from work to go eat and to a movie. I start to become more aware of the fact that I can't remember exactly what he looks like and am hoping that this lapse of memory doesn't cause catastrophe.

I go to leave and meet him in the parking lot.
Instead of a white steed - it's a white truck.
Instead of a knight in shining armor - It's a tall man with an obscenely shiney face and oversized shiny bling necklace. The necklace is in clear view because his shirt is unbuttoned a few too many revealing his chest hair as well.

So he opens the door for me and then goes around the back of the truck to his side. I quickly get all of me gross out faces out of the way with a few gag noises.
He gets in and we're off.

Turns out he's 29. a mere decade older then myself. he sold insurance. and acted like he was guilty of something when he found out I was only 19.

We met his married couple friends at TX Land and Cattle. Apparantly these are the ones he spend all his time with ... playing video games...

So I sure did order steak.

Anyways. The dinner was painful and absolute misery.

We finally make it through and he asks if I want to go to a movie. I said, "no".
So he asks if he can call again
"no"

Whew.

That may have been the single most awkward night in my life. but it only supported my theory that my life is a rediculous comedy. If someone had hidden cameras with me all the time - we could make a mint.

There are definitely more stories of equal caliber... but none of which will be presently disclosed.

weekend checklist

2006-10-16T09:08:00.000-07:00

buy lost of clothes that I don't necessarily need, nor did I plan to buy them - check

trim tree braches with a pair of loppers and make my armpit muscles really sore - check

try liver and onions off an old woman's plate at Luby's - check

tell a complete stranger that I have been sweating all day, nonstop - check

put away the mountain of laundry that had been stomped down to a hill because a week ago I felt the need to put it in my path to the closet so I would be sure and put it away in a timely manner - check

eat an entire box of Godiva chocolates - check

think about how much I need to run/excercise - check

carve a pumpkin - check

forget to get contact solution and be forced to soak my contacts in eyedrops instead - check

fill up my contact case with eye drops - one drop at a time - check

Go see a poorly executed movie based on an incredible story from the Bible - check

make fun of the movie - check

feel guilty for making fun of the movie - check

Get over the guilt, I was making fun of the movie, not the story... - check

justify making fun of the movie - check

make a long rediculous check list - check

artsy

2006-10-13T08:44:00.000-07:00

Iced-Tea Tee

2006-10-09T14:20:00.000-07:00

Well, There's a new love in my life.
His name is Ice-Tea, the beverage not the rapper slash actor. (although he's an integral character on one of my favorite shows shows)
I have realized my addiction is proving my infidelity to the former lover in Diet Coke. But we still talk.
Tea, (that's his nick name), has so many varients and options. I feel like our relationship is a lot more free and adventurous than the other.
The flavor of choice is most often hibiscus mint. But today I experienced the joy of blackberry jasmine.
At first I thought people were just sticking random combinations of fruit and plants on labels and they were really all the same. but in the course of a month, my palet has been refined.

But with this pleasure doth come pain

I don't know where to begin. Obviously, If I will be drinking 50 bajillion cups of tea (give or take a few) I will be making 50 bajilolion trips to the little nun's room (subtle tribute to whoopie in sister act part 1).

The path to said destination is wrought with obsticles.
1 - my delightful beaded curtain door to my cube. I'll admit that i sometimes get tangled up in it in all my haste.
2 - the overly decorative tile work in the lobby. it doesn't only look rugged - it might as well be cobblestone. this isn't a huge problem until it meets the soles of my high heeled shoes. which I wear more often than not. then disaster is only a mis-step away.
3 - the face-level air freshening sprayer (mentioned in the 'out to get me' post)
4 - the daunting stares of creepy-bob in the neighboring cubicle.
"take a picture, it'll last longer - buddy"

This leads me to the subject of Bob.

What about Bob?

2006-10-09T13:52:00.000-07:00

For fear that he may one day stumble upon this entry (and that is very fearful)
I will not express all of my opinions on the matter.
I will say
Bob has 40 lbs dumbells in his cubicle
Bob calls is mom "mummy" all of the 27 times she calls him or he calls her daily
Bob has a boat. Just ask him. he will probablly have a photograph on hand that he will show you - and then you will, 35 minutes later, know everything about Bob's boat. Incidentally, Bob's mom is Bob's boating partner.
Bob wears a cartoon-sized, super shiney, silver chain on the outside of his shirts.
Bob is kind of creepy. especially when I get up and turn around and he is peeking over the top of my cubicle. Not a a funny -ha- ha type of creepy joke. But because that's what he was doing when I turned around.
Bob made a comment on my bosses attire and got reprimanded.
I fully realize that with all the data I have collected about Bob - it may look like I'm the creepy one. But trust me. I am sure everyone in our prarie-dog town cubicle block knows all about Bob.
Bob talks a lot. and Bob talks loud.

When I die

2006-10-06T11:29:00.000-07:00

I don't know when or where I'll die, or who I'll leave behind...
I don't want to know.
But what I do know is that I want to be celebrated. I was just thinking about all this because I heard a guy talking about getting his dogs ashes made into a frisbee. Most people would think that would be strange to play with a dead dog... uh yeah, that sounded strange.

But as far as people go... when you die that body isn't you. I don't believe it is, anyways. What makes you you is not in your flesh suit and physical appearance. (does anyone remember the days of "character counts"?) So why the heck would I want for those I leave behind to spend lots of money to get pretty box and a plot of land to put a corpse into for "safe keeping"? I would rather them use that money to enjoy their lives. Besides that body won't be me anyways.

It would be a nice thought to be "laid to rest" in a beautiful serene place that my survivors would enjoy going to remember me - but I am pretty sure as beautiful as any place will be here on earth - it won't compare to the beauty of the place I am going.

I like the idea of memorials like school libraries or wings of museums or park benches or random sculptures in the middle of cities... these are great ways to remember people. it has nothing to do with their body. But with their soul. and plus I would want whatever is being used to remember me to be functional in enriching and enhancing the lives of others.
As for my corpse, donate it to science, let it be used as a resource to help future doctors learn. It doesn't really matter to me what you do with it.. it's not me.

Anyways. That's enough of that....

here's some interestin reading

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2002/08/14/BA158892.DTL

ACL

2006-10-01T13:25:00.000-07:00

What is the deal with me always doing a thumbs up? Who told me that was cool? why did all of you let me continue? why?

Bienvenito a miami

2006-10-01T12:48:00.000-07:00

Just got home from Miami last night. A whirl wind trip evoking a wide range of thought and emotion.
Basically I went on business with about a thousand other people from all over the country. We attended a fancy dinner and a 10 hour long conference to get all pumped for the fourth quarter.
I simultaneously was disgusted, intrigued, amazed and infuriaated bu corperate america.

but all the while it was set to the backdrop of beautiful Miami and South Beach.

Everything was straight from a movie, so it seemed. During our semi formal dinner/awards banquet there was a one Dan Marino as the keynote speaker. bizarro. At one point I leave to go to the bathroom and upon re-enrty I nearly run into a man in a business suite sitting atop the shoulders of another man, in a business suit. He was ferociously waving his arms and in competition with the entirety of the audience to catch one of the 20 or so footballs mr Marino was chucking into a dining room filled with tabled, waitstaff, glassware and lights/sound equipment. What?????
the barnum and bailey circus was no match....

There was a myriad of wack-o things along those lines....

But there was also rediculously, pinch me and wake me, surreal moments.
Like when I got up at seven thirty the last morning to go run down the beach and take it in before I had to pack and get ready to go.

I go out to the waterfront and am greeted by a stern wind. Infront o me lay the ocean in all its turqoise and deep blue beauty. above that is the brightest coral colored strip of sky oozing out from beneath an ominous black cloud. the black cloud is connected back to the sea by a thick grey band of rain. above the black it gradually grows lighter and then you see the mountainous top of the storm cell being illuminated from behind by the sames source causeing the coral color to glow. Awesome. So I run down the way about a mile before I feel like I might as well try and breath underwater. the humidity is wors than back home...
I take off the ol' shoes and prance around in the warm ocean water for a bit and then start to head back. Before I know it I had filled one shoes completely with peices of insanely beautiful sea shells. and then it started to sprinkle. I look up and out to the storm that I first saw and it was closer and faster than I would have thought. It nearly staggered me with its power and intensity. The I start to see the lightning. It is striking its targets dead on. The rain gets harder and harder. With only a quarter mile left to go I decide to take my time. By the time I get back to the hotel gate the down pour is torrential. it stings. but it feels so great. I realize that somewhere along the way I dropped my room key to get throught the gate. There didn't appear to be any cabana boys in site so I jump the fence. No problem, I was just afriad of dropping my shoe ful of sea shells - say that ten times fast.

When I got just past the pool I was welcomed by a cabana boy holding two giant soft towels. one to dry off with and one to keep warm with... now that's what I call service.....
speaking of which, later that morning I go to check out. The girl at the desk is sugary kind and accomidating I tld her I still had five hours before I needing to go to the airport. She ushered my luggage into a safe room and then gave me pool access keys and told me to enjoy the rest of my stay.

I go to lay by the pool for a while and oscar the cabana boy shows me to the chair of my choosing, lays a dry cushion on the chair, covers that with a plushy sham, the rolls and folds a towel for a pillow. He then reappears peridically to make sure I am comfortable. Brings me a magazine and water..... nice.
Then my dear friend and boss comes to join me. Her cabana usher doesn't offer a cushion tossed the sham over the chair and wads up the towel to nearly resemble osacrs perfect pillow-roll. then walks off without two words said. I crack up about it. Later we go to get our luggage to catch the bus. The bellman totes all my bags to the cargo area, and again, my dear friend gets the shaft and is left to take care of her own...
sad sort of. but also sort of hilarious.

anywho - here are a couple of pictures from miami.
peace

...*

2006-09-27T08:59:00.000-07:00

Today I woke and found a bird on my bed post.
He was singing, but not like a bird. In fact when I looked again it was no longer a bird but a crystal ball.
Inside the ball was an ocean.
Except the ocean wasn't blue water - it was golden light, flowing like liquid.

I reached up to take hold of this enchanting thing and no sooner had my finger tips touched it that it turned into a phone. I put the phone to my ear and the bird was singing again. Only this time his voice was softer. I got up to move to the window and as I got closer his voice got louder and clearer.

He was singing a chorus and as it rose to the climax I opened the blinds and light came pouring in. It knocked me down and lifted me up all at once.

I guess I had closed my eyes, because when I was opening them again I found myself on the edge of a canyon. I wasn't facing the drop-off, but I knew it was behind me. I knew that there are sharp rocks and whispering vultures in caves. But the more I thought about what was behind me, I realized that I probably haven't even woken up yet, but was sleep-walking. And behind me was nothing more than my soft bed, still warm. I could just relax and lay back and be received back into slumber.

As I start to feel my weight shift to the rear the bird flies by. The wind from his wings rights my posture. He then disappeared within the branches of a tree in front of me.

I feel sweat beading on my face and only then do I see that I am standing on coals burning read and white. I pick up one and put it in my pocket.

The shade of the bird tree is exactly what I need. I move to attain it. Right as I get to the edge I hear the bird's voice. I look to the sky and to the left and to the right, but the sound's ambiguity gives no indication of the source. I look at the shade again.
It is just out of reach. If I concentrate hard it feels like I can get to it. I focus and try.

Again, just as I reach the edge the voice comes again. This time a little louder. But I don't want to take my eyes from the shade. I don't want it to go away when I loose sight of it.

head down and fists clenched I press toward the edge of the shadow....

I hit my head. It felt like the tree trunk, but I couldn't look up. I still had no shade.

The bird stopped singing. I didn't notice that he had been singing all the while, until the silence deafened me. I start to look around to see if he had left the tree. The tree which I was now directly beneath. As my eyes take in my new surroundings I see that there is shade all around me, but I still feel so hot and tired. My side aches and stings, I reach down to locate the cause and find that my pocket is hotter than anything I have felt. It's burning me, but I cannot lose my grip on it. I remove the ember and hold it up for inspection.
All along, it was this glowing coal that was giving off the light. As I gaze at the light source I feel the gentle pressure of birdfeed on my shoulder.

He whispers to me. I nod my head in agreeance and humble shame.

With a deep breath I wind up and throw the coal as hard and as far as I can muster the strength to do so.

Immediately after I loosened my grip to release the stone it disappeared. I was in total darkness. I could see only black.

The birds feet had left their perch on my shoulder.

I can hear him, though. He sounds distant, but crisper and clearer than ever before.
He is singing again.
The words to his melody urge me to take steps from where I stood.
As I moved, my legs and feet seemed to be carrying me to the rhythm of this new song.

The more I moved the closer the song seemed. The more real the words became and more refreshed my soul felt.

I was spinning around, arms spread wide. sand beneath my feet... wait, sand?

I open my eyes and see the surf of liquid light crashing on the shore. The sky was light, the sand was light, my flowing robe was light. My soul was light.

phenomininanana

2006-09-13T14:25:00.000-07:00

The avacodo seed phenomina:

I carried a cutting board that had scraps of verious food items on it to the trash can. one of the items was the large pit of an avacado. An inch away from the trash can, and the seed rolls off the board and vanishes. I go to find it so that a roach won't eat it and grow five times it's deceased brother's size (which would be human size). But, alas, it is no where to be seen. I look for about ten minutes in every possible direction it could have rolled.

About an hour later I was walking through my living room and what do I step on?
An avacado seed.
It had to have rolled about seven feet (not a downhill slope either) turned a corner, ramped up from the tile to the carpet, rolled another foot or so, veard right and came to a hault on the other side of the kitchen wall.
It's the little avacado seed that could! I think he was trying to make a break for it because he didn't want to get assaulted by the overly aggressive, trash rummeging raccoon.

OUT TO GET ME

2006-09-11T07:59:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure the custodian of the building is out to get me.
Just because 8 times out of 10 I happen to need to use the bathroom right when he's making his mid-day cleaning rounds... What? I drink a lot, no big deal.
Anywho.

I think he has schemed against me from day one.
I have reason to believe that he has set the air freshener in the bathroom to be remote controlled so it will spray me in the face when I come in. yes this has happened more than once, and why the heck is a spray-style air freshener face-level anyways? I am pretty sure he took note of my hieght and then adjusted it to be so.

Since I have to sit at my desk all day smelling pine-fresh I needed some comfort candy. I found a weird jar in my desk when I moved in that I filled with a few of my favorites: jolly ranchers, creme savers (raspberry of coarse), and most definitely hershey's kisses. Anyways, the type of content really isn't the point. The fact is the amount has depleated faster than one human would be capable of doing. This leads me to believe that the custodian has recognized my cubicle (it's the only one with a beaded curtain over the "door") and is gradually depriving me of the only solace I have from being sprayed in the face by pine.
That tricky devil.

On top of that I'm pretty sure that he's the one that wedges my chair underneath my desk when he dumps my trash every night. When I get in in the mornings I start off by wrestling my chair away from the death grip of my desktop. It's like he lowers it down puts it under the edge of the desk and then pumps it up again.
Why, little janitor man, why?

At any rate, thanks for leaving me all the crappy blue jolly ranchers, that's real big of you.

2006-09-07T09:52:00.000-07:00

If one were to get a henna tattoo across the width of one's shoulders. Would this design be approppriate?

2006-09-07T09:18:00.000-07:00

2006-09-06T06:54:00.000-07:00

so I go to the closet to get a new roll of tp. I take it out, unwrap it from it's plastic and go to put it on the spindel. Something falls from the center of the roll into my hand.
#$^& ^&**() !@#$%^
I drop everything and watch as a mammoth-sized roach falls to the floor. he lands on his back and sounds like a dried mesquite bean rattling around trying to right himself. No I am not positive that it was a male - but it's a pretty safe bet.
I stand there for a second frozen in disgust and fear. he flips over to his stomach and then walks around flexing his muscles.
I scream and jump around for a while and then run to get the death spray.
when i renter the room he his racing up the wall.
so ensues more screaming and jumping.
I spray him off the wall with Raid (that's how I spell relief)
He continues to run around and seak shelter from the bitter rain on what was his scarey parade.
finally he tries to climb the wall again and falls back. He then acts out a valiant death scene that would make any old western movie cowboy proud.

Dead and gone.

What is the deal with abnormally large creature encounters these days?

Why can't I run into an abnormally large marshmallow or an abnormally large carton of ice cream in my freezer. Why does it always have to be something that puts fear for my life in my body?

today is nearly yesterday

2006-09-05T13:03:00.000-07:00

Well.
It's been decided. I, along with my dear sisters, will be running in the Nashville Country Music Marathon on the 28th of April.
Maybe I have just caught marathon fever. It seems every other person I meet is doing or has done a marathon. My middlest sister is gearing up for her second.
I don't claim to be a runner.
I actually have expressed passionate hate towards running. on many occasions.

It all started to turn when I was a waitress.
I would work many long hours with meals on the go consisting of breadsticks and salad dressing. I knew I would turn into a breadstick if I kept it up so I started working out. Then I started working more. I wouldn't get off until 11 pm or later and usually would have a surplus of energy and a hella lot of stress. And at this time of night the gym would be closed. Blah blah blah... all of this to say I took up running as a theropy of sorts. It made a dramatic difference in how I felt at work and about work.
So then I have this new bond with running on a more emotional level than before. Before it was an obligation - not a good reason to do ANYTHING, by the by.

But the idea of running for hours never has even crossed my mind.

So I have 33 weeks. The recommended time frame from nothing to marathon is about 18 or 20 weeks. so - surely I can do this, right?
The plan is to go for the half marathon. That's reasonable. But how sweet it would be to make it a whole. But I am not going to get too ambitious.
after all
I am not a runner.

beauty

2006-09-01T10:41:00.000-07:00

not i

2006-09-01T05:39:00.000-07:00

Most people would go on a run or do some aerobic activity in the morning to get that jump-start adrineline rush. Not me. I just take out my trash.
Before you judge let me tell you.
I don't get a rush because I run down all three flights of stairs. I don't get it because the dumpster is an up hill trek. It doesn't came from having to hold my breath super long because the smell is unbearable. Nor does it come from hoisting large bags of garbage from as far as possible because I don't want the stench to stick on me.

No

It comes from a hostile confrontation with a devil-coon.

I open the door to the dumpster building and a raccoon is in there making an appauling mess for which I used to blame my nieghbor below me. (The one that has had a vacuum box and various assorted trash items on her porch for nearly a month.)
Anyways, it turns around and jumps out of the dumpster and starts growling and hissing at me. I go forward thinking he'll run off and hide while I deposit my trash. Nope. He move forward too. What the heck?
So I make my best efforts to swing the bag into the hole from ten feet away. All the while the coon is closong the gap.
I think I yelled.
Then I slammed the door on his face with a satisfactory sense of power.

Goodday, mr. desease ridden coon.

the lingering snicker -but also sort of freaky.

2006-08-30T08:50:00.000-07:00

I can't keep from letting out an occasional snicker. Why? you ask.
Great question.
There is a stuffed bear in a Santa hat on my bosses desk in a make-shift coffin. headstone and all.
Why is there a bear in a coffin?
It all started with an Indian man and a pink top hat.

No really
Someone put a fuzzy, pink top hat on the corner of my cubicle. After a few days it was joined by a bear. A bear in a santa hat no less.
"who the heck put that there?"
"Kasheem"
I relocated the bear to the office across the hall, whose occupant promptly moved it back to a different local in my cube.
This continued for several weeks. A third party then joined the fun and made it a mind game.
"how did the bear move when I was in here talking to you the whole time?"

Anyways one thing leads to another and the bear ends up hung from the light in the office across the hall. I do not take full responsibility.
However I will say I cracked up at the note that the unknown left.
"dear cold cruel world,
No bear should have to endure such a life. Twas a fortnight since I last had a home and honey. I have been chained to this Santa myth for too long now. My kningdom for a tank top. - bearly yours"

You gotta admit, that's pretty funny. So anyways - the mastermind of the travesty is out of town today, and who knew that the man across the hall and I would find everything one would need for a complete bear funneral within the copy room of our floor?

There he lay in a pink satin lined box surrounded by daisies and clasping a sprig of baby's breath in his paws. A tomestone sits above his head reading: "RIP - "my kingdom for a tank top"

Sweet dreams little santa bear.... sweet dreams.

hello?

2006-08-25T10:01:00.001-07:00

"bueno"
"Hi, this is Emily with...... I need to verify...... can you do that for me?"
"spanish spanish spanish....."
"Do you speak any English?"
"No, spanish spanish spanish.."
I wait a second. Then she says:
"This is my friends phone."
"Alright, can I leave a number for your friend to call me back?"
"Sure hang on just a second... okay, go ahead."

Does this not seem odd to anyone else? Is it unbelievable that this has happened multiple times in the past week?

People do strange thing when they think they're in trouble. My best guess is that it is not even her friends phone and that when I call back next week it will say "this number is no longer in service" That seems to be the pattern so far anyways.

Why the heck would you want to see how long you can break rules and get away with things as a life-style. So that you have this nagging guilt all the time that makes you do things like cancel your phone service even when you don't need to. It seems like that is pretty counterproductive. To claim to be living free and without boundries, but you're really held captive by your own guilt and fear of where this may lead.

So I was going to see if I am dependent on caffine.
The answer is yes.
My head was punding and my eyes were drooping.
I had gone two days with out and finally brokedown. And by brokedown I mean I had three diet cokes in under an hour. That's less like breaking down and more like the engine fell out of the car five miles back and the brakes went out so I just swirved around until I finally ran through some guardrails. Then I ended up in a river, a river flowing with beautiful beautiful Diet Coke.
No big deal... it's diet.

This is the second day in a row where I have been the only soul in the office. It's sort of like I want to run up and down the halls and slide around in socks. But at the same time I know that would be the precise moment everyone would return from wherever they've been. Oh and also it's mostly carpet anyways.

box of awkward

2006-08-23T11:50:00.000-07:00

Well I tried the stairs today.
My office is on the third floor. I sometimes take the stairs down, but have never taken them up. In my recently reformed "health-conscious" mind set I decided to use the stairs always.
I can't the third floor door is looked in the stair well. Not from the hallway, Just the other side. so I go back down the stairs and stand and wait for the elevator.
This elevator is more uncomfortable than any other elevator I've known. It has faux wood for three walls, but the fourth is the shiniest mirror ever.
I've been in mirrored elevators before, but none seem as uncomfortable as this.
So every occupant looks to the floor. I always want to do or say something, but nothing appropriate can be mustered to fill the thick, uneasy air.
Sometimes people talk. But it's weird when they won't look at you in the flesh, but prefer to look at you in the mirror. so you feel like your talking to someone is not standing less than two feet from you. Then there's that one girl from the second floor that has no objection to taking full notice of the mirror, regardless of the company. She'll pick her teeth, fix her make-up, examine her hair and various other self maintainence activities. All of which are performed about three inches from the shiney wall. Then that makes you feel uncomfortable because you begin to think , "She knows I'm in here - right? I hope she does."
Or the man that gets in fro his smoke break and acts as if the elevators packed, even when it's just you and him. so he stands real close with his cigarette-smellin-self. You don't take a giant step or two away and hold your nose and wave your hand around (like you want to) because then it would be obvious that he was too close and smells bad. And then it'd feel more awkward.
oy.
There is no end.
i think that it would be great to write a short story that is from the "fly on the wall" view in an elevator. A story that observes the characters only within those walls. Like a series of first impressions.
Maybe not.

What are the odds?

2006-08-22T20:50:00.000-07:00

So what are the odds that a house i tried so desperately to find last week is on a street one block from where i had decided to give up?
What are the odds that I would not be able to recall that she said, "white house with blue trim" and when I turn the corner there's a blue house with white trim? talk about confused.....

What are the odds that the only thing in the car we had to offer the toothless homeless man harrassing us was beef jerky? He pulled back his lips to reveal nothing but gums , said thank you anyways, took the beef jerky and went on his way.

What are the odds that Courtney would arrive at the percise moment we left, only through opposite gates?

What are the odds that a perfect plan to surprise someone for their birthday got "ruined" by a trip to Miami Beach?

just wondering

2006-08-18T07:58:00.000-07:00

So there is a really large deaf community in my city. I was watching some of them talk for a while yesterday and I wondered, are there mumblers in sign language?
If there are, what are they called? What about studdering? Can someone have poor vocabulary in sign language?

2006-08-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

so my dear friend and i went and had a fashion shoot at "the slab" in Kingsland Texas.

a few things of note

2006-08-14T13:37:00.000-07:00

jiffy lube isn't necessarily "jiffy" at all.

I was behind a car at the stoplight that has a bumper sticker that read, "I brake for penguins"

There was a man hopping down the sidewalk on 38th street. seriously. He had two big, pink bunny ears strapped on his helmet and what appeared to be "pogo-stilts" strapped to each shoe. He was making some serious progress. And he was going uphill. No easy feat, I'm sure.

A little boy was walking around the restaraunt with binauculars around his neck.

"are you a REAL model?"
"Sometimes."
"I've always dreamed of being a model!"
she sucks in her chubby belly and walks around in a circle.

2006-08-10T15:27:00.000-07:00

some pictures from my last trip home... does anyone know what kind of birds those sre. i thought they would peck out my eyeballs.